Bryse
by Ev3ningStar
Summary: Bryse's sister just committed suicide a few months ago, causing her to question the ways of her faction, Abnegation. It will soon come time for the Choosing Ceremony, where she will pick a new faction. But once she is there, her whole attitude starts to change and she keeps hearing voices in her head... *Note: All of my characters are OC, with the exception of Four and Eric.
1. A Simple Intro

**(A/N: Hi, everyone!  
This takes place the year before Tris switched to Dauntless. That means all of my characters are original characters.  
I'll be updating this story every**_** Monday**_**! Look for an update then!  
Until Next Time,  
**

**Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse  
**A Simple Intro.:

I grew up in Abnegation. My mother stayed at home, taking care of my sister, Ava, and I while my father worked for the government. Usually, this helped Ava and I gain a small level of popularity with the other kids at school; before it was taken into account that what they were doing was selfish.

That's how life is in Abnegation; doing something, being told that it's selfish, then taking it off your list of things that you can do. By the time you're seven years old, you realize that there's not much that you _can_ do. As you age, the list gets smaller and smaller until you feel like you're trapped inside of a tiny glass box, only to see what's around you in other factions.

For some, you get comfortable being trapped. It becomes a sort of haven; a place where you are always comfortable. For a select few, like me, you become so claustrophobic that you shatter the glass and pick a new glass box, with different restrictions.

I like to think that's what my sister would have done, before she died. Well, dying isn't the right word for it; suicide is. A few weeks ago, a month actually, Ava decided that she couldn't take this faction anymore. I think like her, but I've never acted on it. I just tell myself that she did what she did because live is boring. It brings a small smirk to my face, because I know why she really wanted to leave this world.

Whenever it rains, like today, my parents decide that they're going to make sure that they remember Ava for what she did. They believe that Ava killing herself was the greatest act of selfishness that anyone could ever commit, and they hate her for it. People look down on our family because of what she did. I can't help but hate Ava myself for all of the secrets she kept from me.

It's not like I don't have issues with myself, too. I think I'm depressed and I also have a lot of other problems that I know are there, that I quite identify yet. The easiest one to solve, though, is the problem with Abnegation.

Tomorrow is the choosing ceremony.


	2. The End of Selflessness

**Bryse**

The End of Selflessness:

Today, I choose my fate.

I wonder what my sister would have chosen?

_I for one don't…_

My Mother woke me up. She usually doesn't, but she had something to tell me.

"If you change factions, our family will be ruined. Please stay… we've already lost one. Please, Bryse, stay. Your Father and I need you."

Father would never need me. I'm surprised he needs mother, but our faction frowns upon heart-breakings.

I said nothing and pushed her away, covering my head to block out some sun. Who cares if Father and Mother need me. I'll never need…

Or want…

Them.

Or this restricting faction.

When I finally leave the house, alone, Mother tries to follow me. I turn around and look straight into her glistening eyes.

"Faction before blood, remember?"

She stares at my back as I continue walking. I decide to walk to the Choosing Ceremony at the Hub to take extra time to think over everything. People stare at me as I walk by. My black hair and green eyes are not a common thing to see in Abnegation. Usually we- no, they- have brown eyes and blonde or brown hair. Everyone blends in, trying to be unnoticeable.

I decided I didn't belong a long time ago.

Mother was cutting my hair, which only happens four times a year; only allowed four times a year. I was fourteen, only starting to question my faction's ways. The mirror on the wall- which we aren't allowed to look into until mothers cut children's hair- showed me my heart-shaped face and my usual blank expression plastered onto it. I was as emotionless then as now. Mother tried to ask about my day and I refused to talk. Seconds after the last _snip_, she burst out…

"_Do you even hear me? Stop staring at yourself and belong in your own faction!"_

I just stared into her, analyzing, but not really thinking. That had never happened before, and I couldn't see the cause in her words. I had been so happy as a child, but I began to read history and wanted my life to be as free to think about everything, to live the way I wanted, as they had. But… it wasn't going to happen until I had a plan.

And I didn't. I still don't.

The world still passed me as I realized I was still twenty minutes away. My faction will probably be chosen by chance, a spur of the moment decision. None of the factions fit my liking. I'm not selfless, knowledgeable, peaceful, or unable to lie.

_I lie more often than not…_

I suppose I am brave.

I'm brave not to be selfless in Abnegation.

I'm brave enough to not change my thoughts for my faction.

Brave to leave my parents although they will be frowned upon behind their backs.

Dauntless are the brave.

Or so I hear.

Ten minutes away now…

I don't walk often, so my feet start to get pain needles.

Dauntless are Abnegations' pure and utter opposite, so it should fit me well. It is brave of me to think that way.

Staring off at the sides of the street, I see someone giving some food to a factionless- someone without a faction, who doesn't belong.

I guess a little like me.

I reach the Hub and walk through the tall, boring double doors into a large room with a done ceiling. It seems all of Abnegation are in this room. They all look so excited, like their children will prove their worthiness. But not my parents; they know my decision.

They stand off to the side of the room, eyes searching for me. They find me easily, though I am slightly shorter than the others in Abnegation.

In the center of the room, there are five glass spheres, each filled with the representative of the five factions, but my eyes stay in the Dauntless sphere, filled with burning coals.

After forty minutes, my name is called.

I walk to the name-caller and take the knife from his hands.

This is how we choose our factions, when we are 16. We offer our blood to the sphere and, metaphorically, our faction.

My eyes are trained on the Dauntless sphere as I make my way towards it.

Making a larger, deeper than necessary cut in my palm, I lower my hand over the sphere, and my blood trickles down the clear, shining sides.


	3. The Other Side of the World

**Bryse**

The Other Side of the World:

My scarlet blood ran down the sides of the sphere, obscuring the view of the burning coals. My hand stung; the blood flow was slowing. The Dauntless-born initiates cheering me on, welcoming me.

I guess I was excited.

Mother stood on the sidelines with Father. With a glance into Mother's face, I could tell that she was crying, devastated with my decision. I was proud, brave. I _am_ proud, brave.

I dropped the knife to the floor with a faint _clang _and walked over to the small group of my fellow initiates. They smiled at the sight of me.

I tried to return the gesture, but I couldn't get the smile to touch my eyes.

Around the room, the Choosing Ceremony kept going, and I looked around the room to see where some people from my school ended up. One girl, Sara, caught me surveying the crowds and glared at me with squinty eyes. She switched from Abnegation to Candor. Candor is the faction known for its honest people.

Sara hates me.

And she told me.

In a note.

When I was ten and still had hope in my Abnegation, not questioning a thing, Mother gave me a single slice of a pumpkin pie and told me that if I saw a faction-less, I as to give them the pie. Apparently, Sara wasn't raised the same way. Her Mother must have told her about how the faction-less are to be avoided and not to talk or associate with them. Mother told me that they needed help, to be looked after and cared for since they didn't belong anywhere.

I had walked up to a faction-less and asked the middle-aged man if he would like a slice of pie. He, of course, said yes. I gave him the slice of pumpkin pie and offered him a bottle of water.

At about this time, Sara walked by and saw me hand the man the food.

She stuck up her nose and kept walking.

A few days later, I accidentally stepped on her shoe. She slapped my arm. My hate grew by the day until I had an idea.

A few months later, I accidentally-on-purpose set a wire trap in front of the cafeteria double doors.

I looked her in the eye and held up the wire, silently smirking at her embarrassment.

One day after that, I found a note in my lunch pail.

_Dear Bryce,_

_I very much hate you._

_ Love, Sara_

_P.S. Your boy's name suits you._

I had gotten up from my lunch seat, eyes connecting with Sara's. I walked towards her and around her table and pulled her chair out from under her. She screamed, as I expected, and jumped up. I punched her in the face without flinching back.

But, who cares now? I'll never see her again and I could care less.

By the time everyone is finished picking their new factions, there are only six new initiates, - and fifteen Dauntless-born- including me. I guess people don't want to be brave. Or, they are weak.

We all exit the Hub and run towards the train station. No one says anything on the way.

By the time we get to the trains, everyone is sweaty and the air is thick. I really would have wanted to have a bottle of water a few minutes ago, but now… now I feel like I could run forever. Behind us, a train is speeding in our direction, a faint dull growing in my ears.

"Hey, Stiff!"

Even though I have never belonged in Abnegation, that doesn't stop people from thinking that it's my home; where I should apparently stay forever because by blood has been tainted with the selfless acts of "my" people.

That's why I turn around and give the boy who said it a death glare. He is a few inches taller than me, with red hair and brown eyes.

"Yes?" I say with malice.

"Are you sure Dauntless was the right choice? I mean, you _are_ the only Abnegation who chose to come here."

I look into his eyes and see slight kindness, like he sincerely cares. I've always been good at telling if someone is sincere. It's a good skill to have in Abnegation.

"Oh, I'm very sure."

I turn around and wait for the train to get closer to the platform.

Behind me, I feel the red-haired boy get closer to me.

"My name's Cade, by the way." I turn around to see him standing to one side awkwardly, one hand behind his head, elbow sticking in the air.

"I'm Bryse." I say, smiling.

I've changed a lot since Ava died, but I still try to meet new people… if they are worth it… and not from Abnegation. Cade seems sincere, and nice, I guess, so I decide to go on with the conversation instead of walking away.

Cade returns the smile and asks, "So… what do you think it will be like there? I'm the only transfer from Erudite, so I know kind of how you feel… except being a Stiff." He laughs.

I try to laugh along with him, but I can't.

"I think we'll have to jump off the highest building in all of Dauntless without a net!" I joke.

I haven't laughed or told a joked around in a long, long time; probably because Abnegation doesn't smile upon making fun of things.

Cade seems okay, and since he isn't from Abnegation, I think he'll be okay to talk to.

I can already feel my personality changing from leaving behind my childhood. I feel like a new person, but I still feel the amazing weight of my past.

"Maybe we'll have to fight each other to the death!" Cade laughs, putting his hands up in fists.

We laugh for a while, and soon the train stops in front of the platform.


	4. The Train Reveals Personalities

**Bryse**

The Train Reveals Personalities:

Everything in my life had been grey; the houses, my clothes, shoes, sidewalks. Everything but nature.

I had always expected my life to be grey forever, but now I know. Not all of the factions are grey.

Dauntless is black and red, some purples here and there. It shows on the train, which painted black, with chrome details. Red and dark purple tinted lights outline the edges, making the train look old and Gothic styled.

Cade stares in awe. I guess things aren't like this in Amity either.

There is a train cart with an opening on the side, big enough to jump into. And I guess whoever is leading us has that very idea. People in front of us start to jump in to the train. Cade and I follow behind until we get into the cart. Dauntless- born initiates fill into the vary back of the cart, while us five who chose Dauntless sit close to the door.

Initiates who see me stick up their nose and look away. They're probably disgusted that someone Abnegation chose to be with them. I sit down next to Cade- on the floor of the cart like the others- caught between the door and him. In front of us, there are three other initiates, but I can't see them because they sit in a shadow.

Two are smaller than the one who sits in the darkest shadow, but I can tell that they are very large to be sixteen.

"So," Says Cade, "How's it going?"

I smirk at his friendliness towards the shadow-people and wait for their answer.

The train starts to glide across the tracks as the three initiates scoot into view, away from the shadows. The two smaller ones have blonde hair, the boy with green eyes and the girl with blue.

But, they combined are not as big as the second boy.

He is at least six foot tall, weighing around two-hundred pounds, black hair and brown eyes so dark they could pass for black.

"Great! I'm Jacey." The girl with blue eyes replies. She looks more like a Jessica or Amber, but I don't say anything.

The other two initiates say nothing; just keep looking to my left out of the opening.

"Have any ideas about initiation to Dauntless, Jacey?" Cade says.

"No, not really. But I had an uncle who my dad says choose Dauntless, so maybe I can find him and ask."

"Really? So where are you from?"

"Amity. I was tired of being peaceful."

"You must have," Laughs erupt from Cade, "To have chosen the complete opposite."

I guess Jacey and I have more in common than I thought. We both were tired of being the staple of a faction we don't agree with.

"Wow," The boy with blonde hair finally spoke up, his voice husky. "I'm from Amity, too. I've never seen you around before."

"That is pretty weird," Admits Jacey. "You'd think we would've seen each other at least once."

"Yeah," They boy says. "By the way, my name's Luke."

"Cool name."

"A _Stiff's_ coming?"

This voice is deep, and rough. Something you'd only expect from a factionless. It comes from the black haired boy- well if a boy can still be a boy while being that large.

"Well, excuse me for causing everyone _such_ a huge problem." I say sarcastically.

"Apology _not accepted._" He says with venom. He spits to my left, barley missing my arm.

"Hey! Lay off her!" Cade warns, voice rising.

"Tell your boyfriend to calm down." Black-haired boy says with an even voice.

"He's not my boyfriend." I say and stare at him, trying to intimidate him. I can feel my green eyes burning.

Cade looks over at me, his face tomato red in a blush.

"What? Rejected already?" He laughs uneasily. Seeing that I'm not smiling back, he looks away.

The rest of the train ride is awkward: the boy with black hair staring daggers into the side of my face; me looking out of the opening of the cart; Cade staring at the back of my black hair.

And all the while, Jacey and Luke are engaging in a pleasant conversation about their beloved Amity.

I wish I could tell them to shut up and give us some peace. So I do.

"Will you two just _shut up_?" I direct at the happily chatting Amity.

Jacey looks over and gives me a disgusted look and Luke and Jacey continue to talk, only now in a whisper.

I guess I'll settle for hushed talking.

"Bryse?" Cade whispers.

"Yes?" I say.

"What was it like in Abnegation?"

"Well, most people from there would call it a heaven on Earth, but I call it Hell."

"How is it so terrible?"

"Of course you wouldn't understand."  
"Then explain. I mean, come on, this ride is really boring and I could use a good story."

"Maybe you could tell me about your faction, then."

"Fine, you win." Cade smiles at me.

I truly feel a sense of pleasure from his smile, and I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel this way. Maybe it's that I'm away from Abnegation, so a new me is coming out, or that a cloud of stress is lifting.

_Maybe it's Cade._

This idea sends shivers up my spine.

I haven't ever been in a relationship before, let alone had friends. The Abnegation aren't the same as me, or vise-versa.

Could I be changing? Transforming into a new person?

The barley-there hairs on my arms stand up at the idea.

If I go with what could happen- attraction to Cade- I could end up heartbroken. I've never experienced it before, since Abnegation doesn't allow heart-breakings.

But, if I ignore the feeling, then I won't have any allies.

Maybe that's what a relationship is- a chance; it could end with happiness or heart-brokenness.

_What am I thinking? _

I haven't even known Cade thirty minutes and I'm already considering dating him.

I shake my head to clear the idea.

Why am I acting like this?

A little thought catches my attention.

_You're 16, Bryse._

True enough.


	5. A Voice From the Past

**Bryse**

A Voice From the Past:

The train is just coming to a stop when I come to a conclusion; I'm going to go with my feelings from now on. I'm sixteen and things will happen- like a broken heart- so I should just go with it.

I stand and look out of the opening in the cart.

The sight is breathtaking.

The buildings are all different colors. Some dark blue, some black, some brick. It's amazing after all of the grey in my life: my old life.

But, the most incredible building is made of glass. I've never seen anything like it before.

And the whole city is surrounded in fog so thick I can't see the streets. Looking down, I can see that the train is now traveling on a single, thin rail one-hundred feet above the ground.

I should be afraid of the height, but I get a strange urge to just jump out of the train into the cityscape below.

Leaning out of the train more, I smell the air. Rain scents fill my nose, along with the smell of wet pavement. Suddenly, a warm hand wraps around my elbow, and I shake it off.

"Hey, don't kill yourself yet." Cade laughs.

I consider the words, and get back into the train fully. Deep in the city, near the center, a giant building towers above the rest.

_That's where the government meets._

I make sure not to forget this thought.

Soon, the Dauntless-born also stand and start towards the opening in the cart. They crowd around the door, causing us who chose Dauntless to have to move to the back. A smaller one crouches down, like posing to jump. We pass a building, and soon they jump out of the train.

Curious, I move closer to the opening to see where they jumped to. The train is going very slow now, and I consider jumping after them.

_This is my new life! I'm going to do it and live it!_

So, I pose too and jump.

For a weightless moment it's like I'm flying, soaring through the air like a bird, capable of going anywhere.

But, then I hit the building's flat roof at full force, landing on my left shoulder. I can feel my jacket rip and my knees scraping through my grey jeans.

I let myself have a moment of pain and pull myself off of the ground.

The first person who jumped stands in front of me. He is skinny and slightly short for a guy. His black slightly long hair is messy and he has three piercings: one on his cheekbone and two on his lip.

"Well, Stiff. You made it, even before the Dauntless-born." He tells me.

"And you don't count?" I ask.

"Oh, no," A smirk crosses his pierced face. "I'm a leader here, and I'll also be an instructor for the Dauntless-born."

This surprises me, since he looks around eighteen. But, I guess Dauntless does things a lot differently. It's a great change. In Abnegation, the government leaders were all old, not exactly willing to be a part of leading the faction. Since everyone promotes selflessness, the people choose the ones from the community who don't seem like the people who would be a leader for Abnegation. I for one think this is very stupid, seeing as the people least likely to lead will have no experience. But, that's Abnegation; brainless and unaware of what they are doing makes no sense.

During this conversation and my thought process, most of the other initiates have jumped out of the train and crowded in front of the instructor. I turn around and see that the train is almost all of the way past the rooftop. A glare crosses my vision, and I bring up my hand to shield my eyes. Cade stands on the train cart's ledge, cowering at the sight of the fifteen foot jump.

"Come on, you big chicken!" A smile rips through my lips as I call out.

Cade frowns and frowns at me.

I knew before I yelled at him that "chicken" is a huge insult in Dauntless. Everyone here is brave and willing to risk their lives at any second. Or, that's what my teachers from the school in Abnegation told us.

He crouches down, screwing up in face to shield his eyes from the sun. Looking like a flying squirrel, he jumps across the ledge, landing in the pavement face first. Laughing, I run a few feet over to where he's sprawled out in the gravel.

"You know," I giggle. "When I first met you, I thought, 'This guy is braver than the rest!' But, now I know that you're… a-"

"If you say chicken, I'll throw you off this building." Cade tries to hide his sly smile, but fails.

"I was going to say that you're a kitten, but chicken if right on target too." I skip off, trying out the move I saw from little girls playing hop-scotch- I think that's what it's called- and decide that it's too much.

When I reach the back of the group, the instructor has just started to talk.

"-as a test of your courage, I will have each of you to jump off of this building, over there," He points to the ledge behind him. "And when you do, your training for initiation will begin."

Everyone looks at the people they just met, hoping the eye contact will appoint the first one who jumps. But I don't even bother.

I came to Dauntless to make a new life based on bravery. A life where I won't be controlled and I can live for myself.

And nothing will stop me; _nothing._

Not even death.

I stick up my nose and walk through the crowd. Some of them turn to face me, admiring my welcoming of possible death, or giving me looks of admiration. I look into the eyes of Jacey and Luke, both standing near the front, and fix my eyes on the problem ahead.

_To jump or not to jump?_

_To die or to live?_

At this, I correct myself. The building is only forty floors. There is not some kind of law that says that anyone who jumps off of a building will automatically die. I have a chance of living- a slim one- and I really don't care if I die. Yes, I want to continue a new life in Dauntless, maybe get revenge on Abnegation, but I need to prove myself worthy before I can. This is the only way to prove my bravery.

_Plus, who would ever expect this of a _Stiff_?_

I walk to the ledge, standing on the thin line between living and uncertain death.

Suddenly, a familiar voice clouds my mind; Ava's voice in my ear, urging me away.

**My dear Bryse, please… save yourself the way I couldn't save myself. **

The voice startles me, causing my body to jump in fear.

A giant rage of anger surges through me, making my fists clench and my palms moisten.

_I hate her! She left me and I hate her._

My anger clouds my mind. A single, wild cry rips through my teeth and I crouch down a few inches.

_I should have killed her myself._

**Please, my Bryse, don't. **

_And now she invades _my mind_!_

I lower back down, defiant of the memory of Ava.

I'll kill myself before she has the chance to stay in my head.  
My breath now comes in deep, powerful motions.

My head is clear now, the rage now an echo.

I look down.

My leg muscles clench.

The small crowd behind me holds their breath.

I straighten my legs in one sharp move.

And all I feel is the pull of gravity.


	6. Like a Little Girl

**(A/N: I can hardly believe that I've been working on Bryse for 6 weeks! I'm pretty happy about the feedback that I've gotten and how the story is playing out! :3 **

**I'm not sure if I'll have Bryse end up with Cade- and you'll see why in later chapters- because I have another character in mind! So please review and tell me your thoughts! I'll love you forever! xD**

**Until next time, **

**Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse**

Like a Little Girl:

My hair is pulled back from my face, like it's going to be ripped out at any second. I can barely breathe; the force of the fall is so strong. I now that soon, I will either live my life in Dauntless- if I get initiated- or die; disappear from the Earth like I was never here.

In about a second, I'll hit the ground with my arms out. But, this will break my arms. With a sharp twist of my body, I turn myself in the air so my back is facing the ground.

Time's up.

All of my breath is suddenly pulled out of my body. It's taken, put out into the air where I can't get it back. It feels like I'm paralyzed; my whole body screams for air.

Then, as if someone heard my silent cries for air, a doctor comes up behind me into my sight.

"Come on, sit up now."

I can finally sit up. My lungs pump in and out strong breaths; a miracle.

Looking around me, I see that I landed in a net shielded from sight in the shadow of a building beside the rooftop I just jumped off of. The other initiates look down at me, trying to see me but can't because the shadow is so dark from above. They can't tell if I'm dead or alive, I realize. And they can't see the net, just like I couldn't.

If they don't jump after me, seemingly risk their lives, they will be thrown out of Dauntless for not showing the potential bravery, and will be factionless.

I can't tell the faces from other faces, but I can tell that someone tall just stood on the ledge, looking down at the net. As quickly as I can, I pull myself out of the net and look back up at the other person on the ledge. They've just gotten ready for the jump when someone pushes them. A gasp escapes my throat. From beside the net, I can tell that they are almost too far away from the net to land safely. It's half a second before they land and I can see who it is. They hit the net with a _thud_ and rolling three inches off onto the cement from the impact.

_It's Cade._

I'm not sure how I feel about this. A part of me is worried, but another, stronger feeling asks why I am.

As I stand back to let him get his breath, the doctor comes up behind him and checks his legs for a break. He pokes Cade's legs and lifts his leg from under the knee to make sure it still bends. He gets up and walk away to wait for the other initiates to jump, calling over his shoulder to _get up before someone lands on you._ Cade's chest rises and falls three times before he gathers his strength to stand. Once he rises, he sees me staring.

"What?" He snaps but then adds a small smile. I can tell he's embarrassed about being pushed.

About fifteen minutes later, everyone has jumped, landed on the net, and is crowded around me.

"I can't believe we let a _Stiff_ jump off first!"

"_Stiff_ isn't as brave as she looks, now is she?"

"You're gonna pay, you _Stiff_!"

"Oh, no, we're going to get you, _Stiff_!"

"HEY!" The instructor barks. He pushes roughly through the crowd, up to stand in front of me.

"You should have jumped first of you didn't want this girl to! If you want to be Dauntless, then you should have been willing to take risks."

The shouts die down to angry, rough whispers. Eyes dart to me everywhere I look. My cheeks redden, making me feel like a little girl and I want to punch every one of them.

Cade comes to stand awkwardly two feet away from me. His arms are crossed in front of his chest, a look of hatred contorting his face. "… So… they're wrong, you know."

"Yes." I agree, looking at the ground.

The instructor turns from the crowd and gives me a small nod. He walks behind me and I turn, following his movements. He walks down the alley and we all follow, wondering where he's taking us. The cement gradually slopes down until we stand at a locked door. The instructor takes out a key, turning the knob and opening the door. I look over his shoulder to see a long hallway.

Once we've all passed through the hallway, there's an elevator with only one button; down. It travels down so fast that my head starts to swim. Only half of us could fit into the elevator at once, so I'm squished in with Jacey, Luke, Cade, the black-haired boy and the instructor for the Dauntless-born.

The elevator opens and I'm faced with one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

The round room has to be two-thousand feet long, stretching out from the single elevator. Narrow paths loop around the walls like a ribbon leading to at least fifty hallways or shops. The round-top ceiling is all glass, lets in the twilight glow of the almost-night sky. Hundreds of people rush around in the pit-like floor down the stairs across from me.

"Tomorrow you'll meet your instructor in the training room on the fifth door on the second floor on the right path at eight. Your rooms will be on the third floor in the second hallway on the left path. Go straight down for the cafeteria, left for your rooms and right for the bathrooms and showers." He turned around and got back into the elevator leaving us sharing glances of amazement.

"I say we go eat!" Luke calls behind his shoulder, already heading up the left path.

_Why not? _ I think and turn to follow Luke. My stomach was already growling. I hadn't eaten breakfast. Or lunch.

I hear Cade's footsteps following behind. The black-headed boy didn't follow, instead going down the path to the right. Jacey must have followed him; I don't hear her footsteps either.

The paths are steep, and most people are running up or down them. I would followed, but I'm too tired from the choosing, train ride, a strange personality finding, and building jumping.

It takes twenty minutes to find the right path and get to the cafeteria. Our hallway- that we'll apparently be living in until the initiation- is painted dark grey, with blinding yellow lights overhead. The floor and ceiling are also painted the dark color, making the hallway look like a hundred foot long tunnel. We file into the cafeteria and into the line to get something to eat.

Foods I've never seen line the pickup line, sitting on little plates waiting to be put on a tray. Things labeled _chocolate cake_ and _hot dogs_,but mostly _chicken-broccoli pasta,_ catch my eye, and I set them on my plastic tray. The foods look so good.

It should make me happy- if I knew exactly what that was- to find and try these new, out-of-the-ordinary foods, but it just makes my tsunami of anger grow a thousand feet. Abnegation didn't let us have these things. The only things we had were plain rolls, plain chicken, plain peas, plain butter-noodles, plain fruits, plain, plain, plain, plain, PLAIN. And why? How is having a plain food choice selfless? However the way, this makes me want to stay in Dauntless even more, and get revenge on Abnegation, if possible.

I turn to find Cade practically breathing down my neck.

Stunned, I narrow my eyes at him. I walk around him and go to sit at a four-person table across from Luke. I've never sat with someone while eating- except for my parents in Abnegation- so I'm not sure if I should say something before sitting or just do it.

But, Luke makes it easy. He is sitting slouched over, stuffing his face with foods I don't know the names of. He looks like a pig; I read about animals it in a book of Amity's culture. I just sit down and open the bottle of water I picked up.

Soon, Cade comes to the table too. He looks really excited; ready to start jumping up and down. Sitting down in the seat beside Luke- across from me- he starts digging into a mound of potatoes and macaroni mixed together; something I used to eat a lot of when I was smaller. I half-smile at the sight of the two guys stuffing their faces and pick up my hot dog. It looks like a long, puffy worm with its head chopped off when I take a small bite. Disgusted at the thought, I quickly swallow the stuff and take a swig of my water.

"Ugh," I breathe.

"What?" Luke says.

"Hot dogs are discusting!" I say, looking down at the accused food.

Luke sees this as a chance to get more food and swoops up my hot dog, taking a huge bite, making me laugh. The sound of my laughter surprises me; I'm still not used to the sound or the feel of laughing.

The pasta and chocolate cake turn out to be the best foods I've ever eaten.

Right when I'm about to leave the cafeteria to follow Luke, Cade calls my name.

"Bryse."

"Cade."

"Try this." He hands me a cup halfway filled with some fizzy drink with tiny bubbles sitting on top.

"What is it?" I eye the drink suspiciously.

"Soda; I saw it over there." He points to a drink machine in a corner of the cafeteria.

I take a sip of the soda and hold it in my mouth a second, testing the flavor. It tastes like pure sugar and a flavor I'm not sure how to describe.

"Oh, God, this thing is good." I give Cade back the soda and walk of the cafeteria, smiling the whole time. I make a mental note to always drink soda- another thing we didn't have in Abnegation.

In the hallway, the black-haired boy is leaning against the wall, staring at the doors. As I walk by to the showers, his dark eyes follow my every move, every step. Annoyed, I turn around and snap, "What!"

But he just stands there, still staring at me.

I try to calm myself down; take deep breaths: in, out, in, out. I turn back to the door leading to the bathrooms and showers. As I'm opening the door, a deep voice floats to my ears.

"Tell your boyfriend I said hello."

I freeze, overwhelmed by the urge to punch the next person I see in the face.

**Don't let him bother you, my sister.**

The voice once again comes into my mind. It makes my teeth grid and my palms sweat. I run towards the door marked _women_ and slam it inward. The bathrooms and showers are together in small rooms off of a single hall. I pick the first one I see and go in, locking the door. Inside is a black toilet and sink beside a shower with a clear glass door. There is also a trash can built into the wall and a laundry chute.

I go straight to the laundry chute, peeling off the last things of me that are Abnegation and dump them down, hoping that I'll never see them again. I walk across the cold tile floor and step into the shower, making the water as hot as t can go.

I scrub myself down, making sure to use the flowery shampoo- I've never smelt anything like it before- in my long, black hair.

When I step out, I realize that I just threw my only clothes down the laundry chute. I swear under my breath and begin to walk out, hoping that nobody sees me wrapped in only a towel.

In the hallway, black-haired boy is gone. Across the hall is the door to the rooms, and I hurry to open it before anyone sees me.

_The Dauntless-born instructor lied. Big time._

It's only one large room with no windows, and five full-size beds with black blankets and pure white pillows. My mouth hangs open. I have to share a room with three guys and another girl. I wouldn't mind if I only had to share a room with Jacey, but this is going too far. Then I remember that I have to be brave to be Dauntless.

_I can do this._

I'm very confident in myself until I see that my bed is beside Cade's; a sticky-note marking my name in the blankets.

I'm also confident until I see Cade sitting on his bed.

Staring.

At me.

And I only have a towel on.

Cade sits up like a robot. He is blushing furiously, his mouth in a thin line.

"Um…" He mumbles.

"Hi, Cade. You should-"

"I'll come back in a few minutes." Cade jumps from his bed and jogs out the door.

I take a deep breath. That went well; better than I thought.

When I go to sit on the bed, I stub my toe, hard, on a handle on the bottom of the bed. Stooping down, I pull the handle and a brawer filled with black clothes is revealed. I guess that the signature color of Dauntless is black, like Abnegation was grey. It's a good change.

I find tight black pants my size and a tight low-cut black tee that my parents could give me a lecture on bringing attention to myself for. At least the Dauntless don't have to be invisible.

Five minutes later, Cade comes back into to room, still blushing slightly.

"Calm down. I had a towel on." I say.

Cade stares at his shoes while he tells me, "Jacey and Luke went to find some shops. Wanna go find them?"

"Sure."

"Where are they?" We've looked in every shop that looks like Jacey would go into: floral stuff, girly stuff, jewelry, the stuff that I hate.

Nearby, there's a tattoo shop. I'm very positive that Jacey isn't in the shop, but I've never seen a tattoo shop before, and I'm not really sure what a tattoo is.

I start to go into the shop when Cade says, "A tattoo place?" But I keep on walking until I get inside to see the artwork that can be on my body forever. It's amazing; all of the designs and animals and sayings. I walk around the shop, trying to find the best one.

My eyes settle on a tiny black bird, and I know it's what I want.

"Excuse me; I would like six of these on the left side of my collar bone." I tell the tattoo artist sitting beside a chair.

My birds are now a part of me forever, looking amazing while in flight on my collar bone. They represent my new life, the one I chose for myself today.

I lay in bed now, thinking about recent events.

Why did I let myself be so _little girl- like _around Cade? No; I was being friendly… flirty- and I never do that.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

I can hear Cade's breathing from my bed. It's quiet, not heavy with sleep. Jacey and Luke got back a few minutes ago, laughing and making a lot of noise. The black-haired boy hasn't come back yet and I don't think he will, at least tonight anyway.

Jacey and Luke are still whispering across the room, their beds on the opposite wall. I can't tell what they're talking about but I think it's about Amity.

"Bryse," Cade whispers.

I turn over and pretend to be asleep. I'm not going to act like I did- flirty, friendly- around Cade again.


	7. Cornered: Never Comply With a Note

**(A/N: So, what's up you guys? XD Well, this chapter was really fun to write… don't ask why, it just was. The chapter that will be up next Monday is my favorite so far, so I can't wait for people to read it! **

**I present to you… CHAPTER 7! **

**Until next time, **

**Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse**

Cornered- Never Comply With a Note:

I wake up earlier than I thought I would. Its six o'clock- according to the tiny digital clock on the floor near my bed- and my eyes are crusty with sleep and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with cotton. Nobody else is awake. The room is dark; there aren't any windows in this room. Luke is lying on the floor, a puddle of drool around his face, wetness slowly soaking into the carpet. He must have rolled out of bed and didn't bother to get back up. The black-haired boy still isn't in the room. Hopefully he'll never come. After calling Cade my _boyfriend_, all I want to do is stab him in the eye with a dull knife.

For a while, I lay in my cocoon of a bed just listening to Luke, Jacey, and Cade's breaths in sync. With a shudder, I realize that I actually like having a room like this to sleep in. But, if people start feuding, it's going to be a huge problem.

Finally, the taste of my own mouth is too much, so I have to get up and go to the bathrooms. I realize that I don't have a toothbrush, my hands throbbing when I slam my fist on the sink's edge in frustration. I walk back to the room to find that Jacey has woken up too.

"Hey. What's up?" She asks, smiling.

"I got a tattoo yesterday." I respond, touching the tender black birds on my collar bone.

She looks surprised, and walks over to inspect the new art.

"Good one, Stiff." Jacey says and skips off to the showers.

"Where can I…" I call after her, but realize that she's already out of the room. "Get a toothbrush?"

Walking over to my bed, I open the sliding drawer and pick out some new clothes. These are much more comfortable; a blue sleeveless turtle-neck and black skinny jeans. I also find some laced black leather boots, and as I try them on I find that they fit me perfectly. It's a little creepy, but I'm thankful. I decide to change right there near my bed; Luke and Cade are still asleep.

I hang out in my bed for almost seven forty-five, napping or daydreaming my time away. I remember the happy times from Abnegation: there are so few. Sitting alone in the park, listening to the birds, only to have to get off of the bench when an elderly couple. But, the thoughts lead me to Cade, making me want to slap myself.

_I'm never going to think of these things again._

To my relief, Jacey comes back into the room to announce that we have ten minutes until eight. Cade jumps up faster than anyone I've ever seen before. He looks like a homeless man; baggy sweat pants, a shirt three sizes too big, and a terrible case of bed-head.

But, Luke's situation is more entertaining.

He pulls himself from the ground like peanut butter from the roof of your mouth and looks around the room like he's on the moon, his mouth covered in dried- and still wet- slobber. His shorts are pulled up over his tee, but only on one side. In short, he's the most hilarious thing I've ever seen.

Jacey and I both start to giggle, and I'm surprised at myself for laughing.

"Rough night, huh?" Jacey asks through fits of laughter. Luke just nods, half asleep, and follows Cade to the bathrooms with a mound of clothes.

We all walk together to the training room, except, of course, the black-haired boy. I'll never accept him. But he is in the room when we walk in.

The training room is a very large, square room filled with chrome. Punching bags hang from the ceiling, a red circle in the center of the room. In a back corner, there's even a fifty foot shooting range opposite of a knife throwing area. But, what catches my eye is the person standing in the center of the circle, arms crossed and staring at us. He looks very tense, never blinking. Dark brown hair falls into his grey-blue eyes.

"So… there's not very many of you, are there?" We all just continue to stare back, seizing him up. Seeing as we're not about to say anything, he continues.

"I'm your instructor until you get accepted into Dauntless… maybe. My name is Four, and you should have seen Eric yesterday. He's the instructor for the Dauntless-born."

_So that's his name…_

"Today, you'll learn how to throw a punch because one of you is from Abnegation," All eyes turn on me. "Two are from Amity," Cade glances at Luke and Jacey. "One from Candor," Luke turns toward the black-haired boy. That would explain all of the comments. "And one from Erudite," That would be Cade. He never seemed like the brainy type of person, but I guess that's why he's here instead of in Erudite.

Dauntless is the only faction that can fight, fire a gun and they even are used as protection for the government.

Four walks over to the punching bags near the circle. "This is an uppercut," He says and throws a punch into the middle of the punching bag, knocking it back a few feet. His body stays in the right foot forward position, leaning into the punch. The bag sways for a moment, and finally rests in its original position. Four is really strong, I realize. Or maybe it's just me that's weak. After all, Abnegation didn't have any gyms or fighting for entertainment.

"Find a bag, try it." Four commands. I move to the punching bag farthest away, and the rest of my roommates follow behind me like a line of ducklings. The black-haired boy walks to the punching bag closest to where he was standing.

I stare at the punching bag like it's all of Abnegation, focusing my anger to one spot. My fists curl; rise. Feet spread; right foot forward. Delivering the punch, I turn and put all my weight into punching the bag. My fist collides with the punching bag. Hand stinging, I try to see how far my bag swung back.

Three inches at the most. I growl in anger; eyes narrowing.

For the next few hours, Four shows us different punches and kicks: feints, roundhouses, left handed. The others gather around Four in awe, asking questions. But I stay back, still trying to throw a good punch to make the punching bag go farther than a few inches.

Soon though, Cade looks over at me. He walks over to where I am, seeing that my forehead is still covered in sweat when the rest of them are slowing down, taking it easy for a few minutes on a break. He looks me up and down, and comes to stand to the side of my punching bag, looking at my progress.

"Hey, you're doing pretty well," He says. A goofy smile is on his face, lighting up his eyes.

"I know," I bark back.

Cade looks at me weird, like I have a spin-top hat on.

"What?" I growl, throwing an extra hard punch into the bag. It swings back to hit Cade in the shoulder with a dull _thud_. But, by the look in his face, it looks like I punched him, slapped him in the face in front of everyone, and then spit in his eye.

"Nothing," His red hair falls into his eyes as he shakes his head at me and walks away.

There's a weird feeling in my chest that I don't recognize. I've never felt it before. It's like a burning, agonizing pulse that my heart has taken on.

**Don't be rude to Cade. He only wants to be close to you. **

The voice of my sister fills even the darkest corners of my mind, taking over my every thought. Nothing can compare to the anger I feel towards her. She shouldn't even be bothering me. She is dead, so she should stay that way. I punch the bag with all of the little power I have left.

_It's probably not even Ava; it's maybe just the strange feeling taking over. _

If I could just figure out what I'm feeling, then I can reverse it. Or maybe, Ava's voice will stay away so I can move on with my life.

I know two things; I have a burning feeling and Ava's voice shows up when I'm going to make a "bad" decision or am about to. Ava was younger than me and she is trying to be my mother.

She should not tell me to save myself.

She should not say to quit seeking revenge.

And, most important of all, tell me to get close to Cade.

Nobody has the right to tell me what to do anymore, considering that my faction isn't Abnegation.

All of my emotions are bottled up into one small part of my brain, waiting and watching for the right time to bust out and tell the world how I feel- about everything. The thought scares me; even more than dying. For the first time in my life, I need to tell someone my secrets. Now, when I need someone the most, no one is here. No one has ever been here; to help me.

I shove my fists into my eyes. Life was a lot simpler in Abnegation, when all I was, was empty; nothing; a blank person. I still am. I'm still cold. I want someone to warm me, but I'm not willing to let anyone be close enough.

Not yet, and maybe not ever. I feel like I'm falling into a huge cavern willed with sharp rocks, abut to keel over. It's not death I'm afraid of; it's the pain of having someone tell other people. People I don't want to know; ever.

Life would be simpler I hadn't jumped into a net.

Through my thoughts, I had still been releasing my anger through my fists. Each punch left four moist dots on the punching bag. The room was totally quiet, and Four's footsteps sounded loudly in my ears. He comes up a few feet behind me and stops, probably surveying my work.

"The Dauntless-born are coming at one-thirty to train." He says, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"What time is it?"

"One twenty-eight."

I throw one more punch, making the bag travel backwards a foot. Four inches to a foot in a few hours; I think I can make initiation if I keep improving like this.

Happy with myself, angry with myself, frustrated with myself, I walk out of the training room and start the long track towards the bathrooms for a much needed shower. I didn't think I could sweat that much in one day. Wiping my hand ever my forehead, I make sure to slow my breathing. My veins feel alive with power and I'm glad I chose Dauntless… even though the dried sweat is sticky.

In the long hallway, I see a flash of red at the exit. I'll give you three guesses who it is. I pull in a reassuring breath and remind myself of the promise I made last night. I'm not going to act friendly or flirty, I remind myself.

"Is there something wrong?" Cade wonders as he catches a glimpse of my green orbs. He's not smiling, unusually. He looks like he wants to rip someone's heart out.

"Nothing's wrong." I reply with no emotion. Keeping my voice level and my face smooth, a slight scowl comes to my mouth.

"You act like it. Yesterday you were happy, I guess. But today… I don't know. Did something happen?" He looks genuinely worried about me. I'm not going to let it phase me. I keep my eyes burning.

"I don't want to talk about it." I stay defensive.

"I think you do." Cade sounds like he's not going to give up.

I start walking out of the exit, but he just follows. I have to admit; at least he doesn't quit something once he knows he's going to do it.

"Come on, Bryse. Neither of us has anyone else to talk to."

"You have Luke."

"And you have no one. You and Jacey could never get alone, you are too independent. Luke and Jacey are always talking about Amity, anyway." He has a point, but I'm not giving up that easily.

"What makes you think I'm going to come crawling to you for friendship, or anything else?" I try to bring great evils into my voice.

"I know you're not going to. And that's why I'm coming to you."

From that point on, we walk in silence. Cade steals looks over at me every few seconds. I guess he's trying to see if I finally get his logic. Or maybe to watch wait for me to fall into his arms and passionately kiss him while the world goes black around us. If anything, he's going to get a couple cold looks and a few terse words. Finally, the bedroom comes into view. I speed up my walking to open the door before Cade even notices and plow into the room to my bed. I slam open my clothing drawer, taking out a new pair of pants and shirt- I didn't even look to see what my hands grabbed. I stand; too fast. My head reels. I just want out, away. I want him to LEAVE ME ALONE.

Without looking where I'm going, I make a blind run towards the door. A warm, slightly-rough hand grabs my elbow. My body snaps back in one quick motion. I feel like crying; my eyes get watery and my throat gets tight.

"Let _go._" I fling my arm forward. His hand's grip on my elbow slips.

My legs float along the ground as I sprint toward the bathrooms. I can hear Cade following me; I know that he won't come into the women's bathrooms. He wouldn't dare. I slam open the door to one of the small bathrooms. Peeling off my clothes, I step into the shower and set the water to hot.

But do I know? Do I really know him enough to know he won't follow me? I've known him- what? - two days. How would I know what he would or would not do? I've always read people well, but could he be different? Could my small ability only apply to the people of Abnegation? Or could Cade just be different?

No; he couldn't be.

_Could he?_

I suddenly realize that I'm not thinking about Cade coming into the bathrooms after me. I'm thinking about his actions, his intentions, trying to come into my shell of defenses. He _can't _be any different. My heart wants me to stop trying to push him away; that I need someone to confide in and to trust. And… my brain tells me that I shouldn't think that way, that I've never needed anyone.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm thinking this way. Nothing makes sense anymore. I feel like I'm living in someone else's life, condemned to live with my thoughts contradicting theirs. If only I knew which thoughts are mine.

Warm water spills down my face and mixed with the tears streaming from my eyes. The cocoon of warmth is calming, but stress, insecurities, and questions still obscure my vision. If I had known the things that have happened in Dauntless, I would have chosen Erudite. Or, I would have never spoken to Cade to begin with. Why am I letting a _boy_ make me question myself? No; I'm letting _just a person_ question me. There shouldn't be anything about Cade that makes me want to change.

…

But, there is.

He makes me want to be kind to him. And it's not like I've been kind to him or anything. I've been so mean, like I usually am. My personality has to be forced to be cold around him, and I know why. He's like a sun to my cold arctic. I want to just go and tell him what's going on, explain everything. And I know I can't, though. If I start to open up to someone- anyone- I'll start to look weak. Dauntless is not a place to look weak, especially for a one-hundred and ten pound girl.

Running my hands over my sore eyes, I find my fingers are now wrinkled from being in the shower so long. Just like when I was smaller, I feel the heavy pull of sleep, even though it's only two in the afternoon. I shut off the water and step out of the shower and dry off, making sure to wring out my hair until it's only slightly damp. It turns out that I managed to grab something that matched: a red long sleeve v-neck and some black skinny jeans. When I put them on, I feel way too overdressed and a little stupid. With my black boots, I look a little gothic. I'm anything but gothic, though, but then I remember that my parents wouldn't approve of the v-neck, so I leave it on. Suddenly, I see that the mirror hanging above the sink opens up to reveal a medicine cabinet built into the wall. Feeling stupid, I open the cabinet and find everything I needed last night and this morning: a hair dryer, toothbrush, toothpaste, hair brush. I brush my teeth and dry my hair, its natural curl taking over.

I feel refreshed; like a new person. Well, a new person… except for the tug-of-war game going on in my mind. Let someone in (Cade) vs. Let no one in (Cade). Right now, all I wanted to do was sleep, and for a long, long time.

I walk back to the room to find that I'm alone.

Good.

I crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head, making a little cavern to me to sleep in. My breaths slow, and soon I pass into dreamland.

_I walk through a vast field of dandelions. The twilight's sun is low on the horizon, making the scene purple-pink. Wind whips through my hair and the dandelions sway. _

_In the matter of one millisecond, the sun disappears and the moon comes out. It rises high, directly above my head. The dandelions are now grey and wilted. Suddenly, the millions of small flowers vanish and the floor collapses into itself. I fall straight down, screaming the entire time. _

My eyes snap open and I fling myself straight up into a sitting position. Everyone is in the room, except Cade. The black-haired boy still hasn't come into the room. It must be night time; Jacey and Luke are asleep. Their heavy breaths fill the void in the still room. Since I fell asleep in my clothes, I feel stiff.

_Ha. Stiff like need to move- not like from Abnegation._

Reassured that I'll never have to go back there, I decide to ignore the pun and get on with my life. Only my little light is on so the rest of the room looks haunted. I've never been superstitious, but I know when to stay to myself. This is one of those times.

When I stand, something falls from my bed onto the floor. I stoop to pick it up the small piece of paper and see a note.

_Bryse, I really need to talk to you. Meet me in the hallway. Please. _

_-Cade_

I'm not sure why, but a feeling of warmth spreads over me. The world seems like a happier place for the moment.

But, before the feeling can make me do anything I'll regret, I make a decision.

I'm going to go with my brain here; I'm not going to go see what he wants but not tell him anything.

Fixing my curls and slipping on my shoes, I walk towards the door. I take a few deep breaths and turn around to survey the room. At least Luke managed to stay in his bed. With a final laugh, I decide to face this. I turn the handle of the door and walk outside into the hallway.

Cade sits against the wall, one of his knees brought up towards his head. His red hair is in his eyes and he looks like he needs some sleep. But what do I care?

He looks up and when he recognizes me, he smiles a lopsided smile. "Hey." He says and pats the ground to the side of him. I walk over the few steps and sit beside of him, making sure to keep my thoughts to myself and my face blank.

"Hey." I sink to the floor and unfold my legs in front of me. "Why do you need to talk to me?"

"I need to know why you're acting this way." Cade whispers, like if he's too loud I'll explode.

"How am I acting?" I know exactly what he's talking about, though.

"You're acting like you don't know _how_ you want to act… like you're bipolar."

"I'm not bipolar… I'm just confused." _God! How can I be so stupid? I said too much!_ I feel like jumping off a cliff.

"One day you're just this sweet girl and then you're angry at the world for no reason. What happened to you to make you act this way?" When he says this, he looks straight into my eyes. There isn't a touch of anger in his voice.

For a few seconds, I think about what he just said. I'm not sure how to respond, until I remember that I've already said too much. I decide that if I'm going to climb down this ladder, I might as well get to the ground.

"You," I whisper.


	8. Hallways

**(A/N: Hey people! After I wrote chapter 7, I wasn't sure how to even start chapter 8. So, for chapter 8, I'm doing a little point of view change. That's right! You're about to know Cade a little better and his childhood and his thoughts on stuff. :3 **

**This chapter, chapter 8, takes place right before Bryse comes out into the hallway to see what Cade has to say. He's reflecting on everything that's happened to him over his sixteen years, just waiting for Bryse to come out into the hallway. BY THE WAY- Cade waited out in the hallway for two hours, but he fell asleep for most of the time that he waited; so don't feel bad for him. XD But I feel bad for you because you're going to have to wait in suspense for another week to see Cade's reaction to what Bryse told him! Or maybe not… I hope you like Cade a lot more now- and understand him- because this was the hardest chapter to write!**

**Anyways, until next time!**

**Ev3ningStar) **

**Bryse**

Hallways- A Connector of Rooms or a Great Place to Think:

Growing up in Erudite was always a challenge. I didn't learn as fast as the others. Being held back from a grade isn't easy when you're the representative's son. My mother looked at me like a leper. My father died when I was young and my mother soon followed along. I guess it all started when I was in eighth grade.

It was just a normal day in my honors literature class. I was just minding my own business when Mr. Collins announces to the class that _Cade should stand up and read the board aloud to the class_. I've always had trouble with reading, though I've always had perfect eyesight. I wasn't sure what was wrong, I always just overlooked my trouble and read in all my extra time. I only got five hours of sleep every night; I studied that much. But, the extra work never seemed to help any.

So, like any other student, I stood and started to read the board. I confidently started and finished reading, making sure to pause in the right places. But, like most other things lately, my preparations failed me.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Mr. Who-the-Crap-Cares yelled from beside the board. I just stood there, appalled. That made no sense. I'd been reading every spare moment I'd had for the past five years and then, when it really counted, I'd failed.

Turns out, I only read the simplest five-letter words right. Apparently, I did so horribly that the teacher called my mother home from her work to come into the classroom to get me. For days, I refused to show up to classes and my mother got more and more stressed out and angry. My father started to become depressed and started to drink. My parents started to argue every night; most turned physical.

This went on for two months until finally; someone from the government came to the house and wanted to know why I hadn't been at school. My mother told me to go to my room. I sat in there for an hour, stressed out the entire time. Through the wall, I listened to my older twin sisters giggling and talking about things from school. They hadn't said much to me about my school situation, but I knew that they didn't care what I did at all. We always avoided each other; they were four years older than me, plus, who wants to hang out with their twin sisters?

Finally, my father came and roughly opened the door, almost tripping, clearly drunk. "Downstairs. Now," He slurred.

I passed him on the way down, the smell of alcohol surrounding me.

There was a man downstairs who told me that I had to go with him to the doctor for a few tests. So I did. The doctors diagnosed me with dyslexia.

My home life spiraled down as fast as you could possibly think. My parents fought every second of the day. Soon, my father started beating my mother, and sometimes me. He stayed drunk. My mother screeched at me, always demanding that I go back to school. _I had already disgraced her enough._ I returned to school, but I was still in eighth grade. My home life stayed the same, even got worse. Months passed and I became covered in bruises from my father.

My second eighth grade year was about to start. I did as horrible at the second as I did at the first. Everyone was aware of my dyslexia. My bruises were clearly visible to the kids and teachers. I was bullied everyday and constantly called on to read. I was invisible, but yet everyone was aware of me. To them, I was worse than a poison. With absolutely no friends, I was a loner. I was seriously considering suicide.

But instead, I started to drink in the middle of the night, so nobody would know. I failed every single one of the tests and didn't remember anything anymore. My breath was now as bad as my father's and I would have kept it up if I hadn't witnessed his death.

I went downstairs at three a.m. like usual, but this time, my father was already in the liquor cabinet. Literally. He was sitting inside of it, taking long gulps of the drink. He looked as white as my bed sheets. I knew his time was almost up. I don't know how long he sat there, me hiding in the doorway. He started to sing a slurred, drunken song. I just stood, waiting for my turn to become like him. I thought he would get up, but he never did. He just kept drinking and drinking until his heartbeat slowed and his breathing stopped. I watched the whole thing. He died of alcohol poisoning.

One month later, my mother couldn't go on any longer. To this day, I don't know where she got the gun.

I soon moved in with a foster family. I don't know what happened to my sisters.

Their names were Mr. and Mrs. Christopherson. I adopted their last name in an effort to keep away the memories. But, I don't know what their first names were, strangely. Mister was a teacher and Misses was a doctor. They had a daughter, Rose, who was in ninth grade; where I should have been. I didn't remember her, so she must have been a prep- which I was anything but.

The Christopherson's made me their project. They worked together to make a plan that I could follow with my disability. Two years passed and I was in eleventh grade; I was so smart that I skipped ninth grade, so I was in the same grade as Rose.

Tenth grade year passed quickly. It was the night before the choosing ceremony when I heard a knock on my door. It was Rose. She came and sat on my bed, like she sometimes did.

We were sort of friends, only talking sometimes, but when we did it was for hours. She knew nothing about my past. Rose just thought that I was an orphan- which I was- and had always been that way. I caught her staring at me sometimes, but I just brushed it off. She's the one who helped me find my sense of humor, right when I first came to live with her and her parents. Making fun of things helped me, especially when I started to get depressed.

This was one of the times when she started to stare at me, and tonight I decided to stare back. This went on for ten minutes. The couch in the empty study was slowly forming to us.

"Yes, my dearest Rose?" I said in a mocking tone.

"Be serious, now." She whispered.

"Oh?" I questioned.

"I need you to know how I feel," She paused and looked away.

"Spit it out."

"About you." She started to blush as red as she could get.

I just stared at her. She'd never done anything to make suspect this. No girl had ever looked at me that way, and to tell the truth, I'd never thought I was good enough for a girl I knew. I always knew that I was going to leave this faction as soon as I could, which was tomorrow, so I didn't bother myself with the thoughts.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." I blurted out. A tear streaked across her cheek and she got up and left before I could stop her.

The only thing I had regretted about leaving Erudite is leaving behind Rose. It's not like I loved her or even had a crush on her. I just felt bad about it. She was my foster sister, so what could even happen? Rose should have known; she's a smart girl.

I felt guilty when I saw a girl with long black hair and electric green eyes and thought _hey, she looks kinda cute_. Actually, I felt more than a little guilty. But, what could I do now? Send a letter? Plus, I never looked at Rose that way.

So, I forgot all about her and started to talk to the girl. She looked lonely and mad at the world- like I used to be. I know that when I was in eighth grade, the only thing I wanted was to talk to someone or have someone come up to me. And that's what I did. But don't think it was easy. She was cold.

Maybe it's because of how she lived in Abnegation.

Maybe I'm this way because I lived in Erudite. If I had grown up in Candor- or any other faction- I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I found out her name; it's Bryse. I think it's a little weird. My father's name was Bryce; so she reminds him of him. I feel terrible about it. I mean, why should I remember him like this? With a girl that I've met and want to talk to? She needs someone. I'd be a terrible person if I don't try to comfort her because she has the same name as my father. I've been where she is- not exactly, but emotionally- and I needed someone, and I'll be that someone for her… if she'll let me.

So, you can see why when I noticed that we all shared the same bedroom, I was a little excited. A perfect chance to let her get to know me better; there are three clear steps. One- introduce myself, tell a few jokes, and let her decide if she wants to talk to me. Two- corner her, tell her about my past and let her know that she can open up. Three- let her have her own therapist and good friend. She needs, more than anything, a friend. By the way she talks about Abnegation, I can tell that she's been a loner and away from everyone.

I acted really weird around her, though. When I'm near her, all of my thoughts jumble together and I feel like I'm going to puke. Bryse doesn't seem like the kind of girl that I would feel that way around, but maybe I'm changing; molding to fit into my faction.

Just to clear things up, Bryse acted nothing like how any girl should have acted in Abnegation. Her actions in the training room were fiery and fierce. It was pretty amazing. She showed everyone up and made the others green with jealousy. I'm not anything near her friend- yet- but I feel proud to know her.

**(A/N: *elbows you in side* Eh? Eh? Did you all like it? Even if you didn't, I'm glad that you all know about Cade. Please review!**

**Divergent**** was never specific to what happens when an Erudite's son is dyslexic, but I think the parents would take it pretty hard. Just think if your whole life revolved around being smart, and all of a sudden, your son is told he isn't smart enough? How would you react?) **


	9. Reactions

**Bryse  
**Reactions:

Cade stares into my eyes; his body frozen like ice. I feel like he is staring holes into me, down to my very soul. He looks like he wants to die… or shake me until I feel some sense.

And did I want to die. Why had I said that? Just when I told myself that I wasn't going to say anything, I went and said _that_. The confession replays over and over in my head; _youyouyouyouyouyouyou_. The words grow louder and louder. Anxiety courses through me, lighting my every vein on fire until I feel like blushing and my palms start sweating.

A mental sigh of relief courses through me as I see Cade breathe; he is no longer tense. He looks at the ceiling, and my gaze follows his. I study the tiles. Tiny patterns litter the ceiling, every tile. Small popcorn-looking things create a textured look.

"_I_ made you act with two different personalities?" He whispers. My heart sinks at the sound of his guilt… which makes me feel guilty for making him feel guilty. It's an endless paradox of guilt.

He didn't mean to, but he did. He made- and makes- me question everything I have ever felt. And why does it have to be him? _He's nothing more than a happy-go-lucky guy who's probably never had to work for anything in his life, content to make jokes and prance around while everyone else- I- have to_ _work for things and work on getting into Dauntless to make sure Abnegation changes and…_

He should have known that it was his fault. He should have expected me to act this way! He knows that I can't talk to him; I have more important things to do. How could he just come up to me and expect me to just fully trust him.

But, I have done some things I'm not proud of. I mean, why did I start flirting with him? Was it really flirting? I used to see girls doing things that would be considered flirty in Abnegation, but I swore to myself that I would never look like that or be like that when I was with a guy.

I stay silent, reluctant to respond. The awkward silence spreads until Cade's hands start twitching. "Say something," He pleads.

"I don't know what to say," I begin. All I want to do is get back to the rooms and sleep this day away. I want to forget all about this and get on with my life. Maybe if I can just tell the truth, he'll forget all about it. "There's so much hate in me, building and expanding until I can hardly breathe. Sometimes, all I can think about is wanting it, _all_ of it to end. I've been rejected all of my life, in everything. I haven't had any friends, and not because nobody wanted to be around me. _I _pushed them away. _I_ made them hate me. And, the thing is, I don't _know_ why. I try to go through all of the motions: open doors, say the right things, make sure everyone likes me. At least I used to, back before my sister died. I found her journal one day. In that book… were the worst things I have ever heard; all about Abnegation. But I can't figure out why she never told me! I thought we were close, but _no_! It was all a lie! She didn't even think to tell me about the most important thing in my life, my home.

So I come here. And this guy just comes up to me and starts being nice to me. What do I do? I start acting differently, in a way that I didn't know I could act. And it's not like I want to. I just want to change Abnegation, and make sure everyone knows what they did to me." By now, I'm shaking, my throat feels blocked off, and there's a prickly feeling in my eyes. I just made a huge mistake; the biggest one in my life.

When I found the journal, I knew I couldn't tell anyone. So, I locked the secrets of the pages into the darkest corner of my mind. I made sure not to let a single word slip about it, and even decided to never think about it again. It wasn't very hard either; it's not like I have someone to tell all of my secrets to.

Here, in Dauntless, I have broken so many promises I made to myself that I'm not sure who I am anymore. Am I still the same person who is unwilling to confide in anyone? And if I am, what is making me change? The only answer I can find is that the new faction is unnerving, or maybe it's the new people.

Meanwhile, while my head starts throbbing and tears are dangerously close, Cade is staring at me with wide, uncertain eyes. If he starts apologizing to me about making me bring up my innermost thoughts, I'm not sure how I'll handle it.

"I'm so sorry for making you bring this up. All I wanted to do was try and help and-" Before he can go any farther, I cut him off with a frustrated yell. Tears are now streaming down my cheeks, obscuring my vision.

"Who do you think caused all of this!? I never wanted to act like this! I knew EXACTLY what I wanted until you came along and started to-" Without warning, Cade stood and started to yell down at me.

"Look, I just was trying to help you! I only wanted-" I rose from the ground and stood as tall as I could. My face was inches from Cade's but I wasn't about to blush or feel embarrassed.

"ONLY WANTED TO MAKE ME FEEL VAULNERABLE!" I screamed to the top of my lungs, making my throat feel sore. I could hardly see now, but what I could see was turning red. Cade made a move to grab me, probably to comfort me, but I'm not going to let him. I turned in my heel, and ran into the bedroom.

The sound of Cade's footsteps were echoing behind me, but he isn't going to be able to catch me. I'm smaller and faster than him.

Jacey and Luke are asleep, and I know that if they wake up, a million questions will be thrown my way. _Why are you running? Are you crying? Why are you crying? Are you okay? Will you tell me what happened? Do you need to talk about it? Do you want me to get you some water? Will you be okay? _

By now, my crying has turned into sobs, choking and making me shudder. There are no lights on in the room, but a glow of light comes from the open door. I rip the covers from by bed and crawl in, making myself a cocoon and covering my head. I little voice reminds me that I haven't changed clothes or brushed my teeth. But, I don't care. The only thought that crosses my mind is pain. Searing pain that comes from hurt from a person that doesn't know what they did to you.

Sometime I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up when a light comes on. I open my eyes and roll over, but the only thing I see is Cade sitting up on his bed, elbows on his knees, and covering his head with his hands. The sound of me rolling over made him look up. His brown eyes meet my green ones. He opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, I throw the covers back over my head and move back to my previous position. My legs are stiff from sleeping in jeans and my mouth tastes horrible. Unless I get up, I probably won't be able to go back to sleep; and if I get up, I will have to face Cade.

I don't know what time it is, but I'll sacrifice sleep to not have to be confronted by him.

Soon, the light is cut off and I hear Cade crawl into his own bed. A gasping sound travels to my ears and I can tell he is crying. A single tear of my own eye flows down my cheek and onto my neck, where it stays until I float into hushed dreams.


	10. Ava's Journal

**(A/N: Wow! Tenth chapter already! :3  
Sorry, readers, for the super short chapter, but I had to give you a chapter on the journal, since Bryse put it into a dark corner of her mind. She wasn't sure about anything, really. This is why she hates her sister, because in Bryse's eyes, Ava is a liar. It's also **_**part**_** of the fuel for Bryse's anger.**

**Until Next Time,  
Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse  
**Ava's Journal:

_This journal is the record of the things that I discovered while researching Abnegation. It is meant to provide evidence that this faction is, in fact, corrupt and changes should be made.  
I started writing in this journal when I found out things that were going on in Abnegation. I'm almost fifteen and my sister is almost sixteen. Soon, she'll be making the choice of what faction to choose. I don't plan on telling her what I discover, but it should be a guide for future generations. They should know what I've seen people go through, or heard about, or read. Everyone should know what happens here. _

_November 12  
Today in school, I saw a boy with a horrible, purple and black bruise on his cheek. He walked around like he didn't want to be seen; in the shadows. I pointed it out to my friends and they look at me like I should keep my mouth shut. One of them guided me to the bathroom later that day and locked the door behind me. She told me that she heard that his father slapped him for starting to eat dinner when his mother was still in the kitchen. I could feel my mouth drop. Even though he should have waited to eat until his mother came, he shouldn't have been slapped! It's just not right to do that! I could never look at his father that same way again, though I saw him on the way to school every day. His son became a social outcast at the school. Nobody wanted to talk to someone who was so different. We're told to ignore people's differences, but the kids at school took things too far in the ignorance. I never had the courage, though, to talk to him. People would look at be differently, even if I was trying to help. Nobody can control their thoughts._

_December 19  
I was in the library reading about the different factions when I found a book on how each of them is unique. The book told of how each faction came to be. The Amity wanted to be peaceful. The Erudite wanted knowledge. The Dauntless wanted to be brave. The Candor wanted to be truthful. And what exactly did the Abnegation want to be? Oh, yes, they wanted to live for others. But why? The book never did say, exactly. It's like we weren't important enough to be out into the book. That means nobody knows why we do what we do. So why should we continue? There's really no point. And that's exactly what I asked my father about at dinner that night. He never would say, but I think there's something he's not telling me. It's like he's scared to tell me something important. With that thought, I went back to the library and read about the freedom of the other factions. There are so many things they can do that we aren't allowed to. Abnegation is constricting us. They're taking away our human nature. Making us things we're not. They're corrupting our brains, and something has to be done, but I don't know what yet. _

There were countless other entries. Every one of them depicting events and new facts about what goes on in Abnegation. Each of the entries has to with the horrible things that have happened to the people that go on in our school and the freedoms that are taken from us. We aren't the same people that we could be. The entries got more severe by the date, each one made me cringe. Until the final entry, I didn't understand what the knowledge was doing to Ava. Or why she was keeping this from me. She should know that I need to understand these things as much as she does.

_September 30  
I've found out so many things about this faction that people would never, ever believe. It just doesn't make sense. How could they keep these things from us? It's so severe. Kids from my school are being beaten every day. There's nothing to do that will help it. The government is corrupt. There's nothing to do about that either. Nothing will ever change. Nobody can ever do _one thing_ about it. _

That entry was written three days before Ava committed suicide.  
While reading the journal, I knew that she should have told me- everyone at the school, homes, community- about what was going on. We can't be ignorant to things like this!

**(A/N: So… a little insight of Bryse's mind…  
I hope everyone understands her a little better. Do you have more respect for her now? Leave a review! Seriously, every time I get that email, I smile for hours. :3  
**_**IMPORTANT**_**: I updated and made major changes to A Simple Intro. (Ch. 1). Please read! But, if you are fine with how it was before, then that's perfectly OK; it doesn't change the story line. The first chapter just wasn't satisfying anymore, so I did made it 100x better, and if you don't believe me, look for yourself. ;)  
XO Ev3ningStar)**


	11. Step One

**(A/N: I am SO SORRY for the long wait! I know I've been updating every Monday night, but from now on, I will only be able to update every three weeks or so. I started this program called Early College, where you have high school classes and college classes at the same time on a college campus. It's a little weird being in classes with people up to four times your age but it's worth it when you graduate with a high school diploma and an associate's degree. Anyway, I have all the high school papers and projects while also having college papers and projects. A LOT of work, and as you can tell, I have barley any time to get the work done in time, let alone write. Don't get me wrong, this is what I'd rather be doing, but priorities, you know?  
A while ago- a few weeks ago, actually- someone suggested that Bryse should get to know the black-haired boy and add in some romance there. Romance? I don't know, maybe.  
Huh. I forgot to name him. XD Well… I guess I'll have to now that Bryse officially meets him in this chapter. :3 I'll tell you one thing though, he's nothing like Cade.  
*To Maya—I don't ship Bryse and Cade… or Bryde :)… but I personally ship Eric and Bryse. I'm probably not going to write it in, but they would look good together. XD*  
I'm excited for this chapter 3  
Until Next Time, **

**Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse**  
Step One:

The past week has been okay, I think.

First of all, Cade has been trying to talk to me since the morning after _the incident. _He has contently trying to catch my eye. Maybe he thinks that I should let him in. But, the thing is, I told him basically everything. Not many details or anything, but some stuff. If I could just get him to understand that I don't want to talk anymore, ever. He's broken my defense shell, and he's not going to get anymore into my mind. My thinking this hasn't stopped him. He's sent me notes on napkins. _Bryse, please talk to me._ He's tried walking up to me; which I ignored and walked away to the bathrooms. Whatever he doesn't understand about my not-so-subtle signs escapes me. The last thing I could do besides ignoring him is just straight out tell him. And that probably won't work so good, looking at the last time I agreed to it, I told him something that I haven't thought about in weeks. I'm really angry at him for it. He shouldn't have gone meddling in my business like that.

On a happier note, I've gotten to know Jacey and Luke a lot better. Even though I feel like the third wheel, they welcomed me into their "group". The first day after _the incident_ Jacey could tell something was different, I guess. She saw me ignoring Cade and was understanding about it. Not once did she ask me to tell her what was wrong or make me feel guilty for not telling her. The only thing she did ask me _once_ was "do you want to talk about it?" which I answered _no!_ before she could get a breath in. Luke didn't notice a thing different, and if he did, I'm eternally grateful to him for not pointing it out. Not once did he ask what the matter was. He turned out to be really nice. Luke is the clown of our little four-person table that Cade still sits at, just staring at his food. Everything that Luke does makes me wonder why he left his peaceful home in Amity. I just don't understand. But, then again, that's his own business.

Two days ago, though, the table got four times more awkward than it already was.

It was after we were dismissed from the training room. I was coming out of the cafeteria after I ate lunch with a green apple in my hand; something I discovered that I really loved. I decided to go out to the hallway network to look down into the pit and eat the apple. I spent a few minutes looking down at the people rushing from place to place when I saw Jacey and Luke's blonde hair flowing towards the steps near the elevators. They sat down, and seconds later I decided to wait to see what they were going to do. They talked for about thirty minutes, and right when I was going to go take a shower, I saw something that is highly frowned upon in Abnegation. Luke leaned in close to Jacey and instantly, they were kissing. Warmth flooded towards my cheeks. It was the first kiss that I had ever witnessed and I was- and am- so embarrassed to have seen it. I still can't look Luke or Jacey in the eyes.

When I wasn't being a third wheel, witnessing kisses, or ignoring Cade, I was in the training room with everyone else, including the black-haired boy- who I still haven't talked to since he said that Cade was my boyfriend. This week's training has gone pretty well. I feel stronger than I ever have before. We've done lots of tests evaluating our strength, everyday. There are tests for how many crunches you can do, pushups, jumping-jacks, mow many miles you can run, how fast you can run one mile, and how many pounds you can lift. The tests end up making everyone- including me- out of breath and covered in sweat. But, after a week of the tests, my muscles are toned. I can do one-hundred and fifty crunches before I get too tired, forty pushups, two-hundred jumping-jacks, run three miles, and run one mile in four minutes. My stats are good, but not the best of the initiates. The best would be the black haired boy. He can do things that I've never seen before. He can lift two-hundred pounds and not even break a sweat. It's amazing, really. I feel like I respect him for it. Everything he does is so much better than what I can do. The only thing is… I'm not ready to start to acknowledge someone else yet. The black-haired boy could be much, much worse than Cade. Or, he could be easier to talk to than Luke.

But, I'm not yet ready to take the chance.

The last thing that I've been really happy about is that I haven't heard Ava's voice in the week that passed by. I think that she has some kind of connection with Cade. I can't help but think that I should have found out more about Cade before I pushed him away. All I have to do now is stay away from Cade and get into Dauntless; officially.

Mostly at nights I've been going with Luke and Jacey to the shops. There are more than I expected, full of every type of thing that you could imagine; flowers, clothes, shoes, purses, toys, sunglasses, pillows, books, makeup, lotions, and more things than I can count. I haven't been shopping before Dauntless. In Abnegation, they gave us clothes once a year and they dropped a box off on our doorstep. But here, you can _choose_. Every choice is made by you, and it reflects in you. Jacey buys things like crazy, every night. She sees something and if she even likes it one bit, she buys it. Being initiates, we can only spend two hundred dollars a week at the shops. It's only for buying Dauntless clothes, since we had to leave behind all of the other ones.

So far, I've bought some black high heels (because there are only sneakers in Abnegation), a red lace v-neck long sleeve shirt (because I found out that I like red and v-necks aren't allowed in Abnegation and it shows off my bird tattoos), another turtle-neck cut-off sleeve shirt (because I like the one I sometimes wear to the training room and I wanted one to wear that I won't have to sweat in), and some black skinny jeans (because there were only baggy pants in Abnegation). I'm pretty happy with how I look now. Jacey even bought me some makeup to go with it, even though she still has to put it on me herself. She says that I'm being crazy, that she thinks its fun. I don't see how though. I don't really care how I look, I just want to resist Abnegation anyway I can.

Yesterday, I decided to wear my new red shirt, high heels, and jeans all together. When Jacey saw me come into the bedroom, she immediately led me back to the bathroom to put some makeup on my eyes and cheeks. She told me that I _had_ to go to supper and shopping looking like that. So, I did.

When I stepped into the cafeteria, Luke whistled, making Jacey slap his arm and kiss him on the cheek. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cade staring at me from his table. Apparently, I looked good. When I got my food and sat down, he was still looking. When I glanced up for a second, Cade was blushing… _blushing_. Jacey and Luke were flirting again, so the only thing I could do was stare at my plate.

* * *

The only thing I could think about was Cade blushing. Why would he be blushing? I wasn't about to ask him… but I wanted- and still do- to know.

"Bryse! Come on! We're going to be late!" Jacey's voice travels through the door of the bathroom where I'm getting ready. Dressed in fresh training clothes, I pull by black hair into a tall ponytail so it won't get into my face. Four told us yesterday that it was the last day of training, but he never said what was going on today.  
"Okay. Let's go." I step out of the bathroom and walk out with Jacey. Outside of the bathroom door, Luke leans against the wall. When he hears the door open, he looks up and immediately falls into step on the other side of Jacey, taking her hand into his. They've been really close since the train, so why wouldn't they decide that they have other feelings besides friendship? As I think about this, some of the awkward atmosphere disappears.

I hear someone walking behind me, like they are purposely trying to be quiet. Glancing over my shoulder, I notice that Cade is following behind me. He looks into my eyes when he notices that I've turned slightly around. Our eyes follow each other's until he opens his mouth a fraction. Before he can say anything, I turn around and whisper to Jacey, "I'll catch up in a minute," She's too occupied with talking to Luke so she doesn't even notice that I've gone. I just brush it off though; most of the time, I don't understand how she acts.

I slow down my speed to my steps are in sync with Cade's. He's been too annoying the last week, and all I want to do is get on with my life. And if it takes talking to him… then so be it.

"Bryse, I-"  
"Stop. Before you say anything, I need to clear one thing up. I don't want to talk to you; about anything. I refuse to let you think that I will, just because of what I said. I'm a lot stronger than I was then, in more ways than one. So before you apologize to me… or say anything else… get this into your head: I don't need anybody… especially not you." The words flow from my mouth without me realizing it. Saying these things weren't a bad thing, though. A fearless buzz goes through my body. I'm really proud of myself for that. It's not like he can give me a valid reason to make me think that I need anyone.  
"I understand that," Cade looks down at his feet for a minute, thinking. "And I'm sorry for making you feel so uncomfortable." A strange facial expression is plastered onto his face, making his features scrunch. "I need you to understand what I'm trying to do."  
"That's the thing. You want me to open up so badly, but maybe you should take your own advice. Until then, just leave me alone. That means: stop looking at me, stop walking near me, stop sending me little notes- _Bryse, please talk to me-_ and stop _thinking_ of me." At the final words, I jog in front of Cade until I'm past Jacey and Luke. Who, by the way, are still being ridiculously flirty.

It only takes three minutes to find my way into the training room. The only person in there is the black-haired boy. He glances up from the punching bag that he was beating up, but looks right back down. Even though it's eight, he's already covered in sweat and breathing heavily. I watch him as I walk over towards the punching bags on the opposite side of the room. He has a lot of power and very defined muscles. As I get closer, I can see that he's more drenched than I thought; his sleeveless tee has visible sweat stains until the middle of his torso.

"It's rude to stare." Black Hair growls towards me. "But, I guess your boyfriend never taught you that." My head jerks around fast. The anger from a week ago heats my face and arms, making my fists curl and my mouth to form a smirk.  
"Excuse me?" I spit the words towards him, trying to make him back off. "I think your boyfriend forgot to show you how to act this morning." The words feel wrong, but I can't help but to make him know that I'm not going to take what he says.  
His hands rise to level with his head in a position that looks like surrender. "Whoa, whoa. Calm down now… what's your name?"  
"What's it to you?" I counter.  
"Suit yourself." He turns back to the punching bag and continues to throw different styles of punches into it. Some of the punches I've never seen before, and I wonder how he learned them.

The way he acts and the way he talks makes me wonder where he got it from. Could he possibly be the same as me?

Either way, everyone else comes through the doors into the training room to find the black-haired boy and me talking. Jacey sends me a smile, Cade looks broken- but who cares? Soon, Four walks in and announces that we should all practice fighting for a while.

An hour later, Four calls us all back into the center of the mat. He looks us up and down before announcing how today is going to be different.

"So, you're all probably wondering what you'll be doing today. This is the day that your training starts to pay off. You're all going to fight each other-"  
"But we're all part of the same faction!" Jacey yells out.  
"You have to practice somehow. Anyway, you will be matched up with someone else and the winner will move on. Since there are only five of you, someone will be sitting out. That would be…" Four stands quietly for a minute, seeming to decide. "Jacey. You're the smallest, and you don't have someone close to your size. Wait out for today and you'll fight Bryse tomorrow."

But, that only leaves Cade and I. We'll have to fight each other. I'm not worried about myself, only the fact that Cade will probably not fight me like I will fight him.

Four continues with his speech. "Up first will be Luke and Damien."

_His name is Damien? _The black-haired boy- Damien- and Luke walk over to the circle in the middle of the room. They throw their fisted hands in front of their faces and start to circle each other. Luke's eyes dart back and forth, from Damien's feet to his hands. Unlike Luke, Damien looks calm and collected, measuring everything Luke does. Although Damien weighs more than Luke, he is slower. Luke's speed could help him win, but only if he does well at calculating what Damien will do next.

"Come on; we don't have all morning!" Four calls to Luke and Damien, who are still stalking each other in a loose circle. Suddenly, Damien rushed forward towards Luke. His face is hard, like he doesn't care about what he's going to do.

Damien is within two feet of Luke when his fist connects with Luke's jaw. The impact sends Luke to the ground on his back. Damien stands over Luke, taunting him with his size advantage. The while room- including me- flinches at the sound of Luke screaming aloud when Damien's feet connect with his stomach. Damien steps back, waiting for Luke to stand.

Luke still lies on the ground. He coughs and holding his stomach, retches, causing a few drops of blood to come out of his mouth and splatter the ground before him. When he fell, he must have bitten his tongue or lip. He closes his eyes and gently feels his jaw; measuring the pain. His eyes open and his hand drops, producing a quiet _thud_ from the mat. I look back up at his eyes. The blue orbs and now glowing with determination. He rolls to his side and slowly pulls himself onto his knees, and hesitantly stands. One of his hands clutches his stomach, probably causing him a lot of pain near his ribs.

Damien, who was standing back, walks closer to Luke. Luke looks ready for what is inevitably coming to him. But, they just stand there.

Unexpectedly, Damien opens his mouth and starts talking. "Go ahead, pretty boy, I'll give you one punch."

Luke, who's not stupid enough to listen to anything he hears, stays still. Damien taps his foot, waiting for Luke to have his free shot. Luke's hand drops from his stomach and he brings both hands in front of his face. Slower than what he would have normally been, Luke punches Damien in the stomach.

Damien is unaffected. He doesn't move, let out a breath of air, or even step back a foot or two.  
"Really?" Damien sighs. "I would have thought that even _you_ could have thrown a better punch than that." Quick as a snake, Damien throws his elbow into Luke's throat. I can feel my eyes widen. I have a lot of sympathy for him; the throat is a very sensitive place.

Luke falls- again- onto the mat, this time with tears dotting his eyes. His chest doesn't move for a few seconds. I look over at Jacey to see that she has both hands covering her mouth and nose. She seems like she's going to cry for herself.

Damien walks the few feet over to Luke and looks down at him. Just as his foot is about to connect with Luke's chest, Four stops him by speaking up.

"Stop; it's clear that you've won. When I get back, it'll be Cade and Bryse up next." With that, Four crosses the circle's boundaries to Luke, who looks like he's going to puke everywhere. Four bends down and brings one of Luke's arms to rest on his shoulder and stands, supporting Luke. They cross the room together and out the doors. Luke definitely needs medical attention after what Damien did to him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jacey step closer to me. I turn so I'm facing her fully and look at her face. Her eyes have tiny, clear tears in the corners and her eyebrows and pulled together with worry.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" She whispers.  
"Yes," I say. "He wasn't hurt that badly." I know what she's thinking: that Luke isn't going to be able to breathe, and ultimately, die.

We stand there a few minutes, waiting for Four to get back. Jacey continues to look like she's going to start bawling, while I see Damien cross the circle's boundaries and sit down on the edge. He looks very solid, like he's never going to move from that spot. He doesn't seem like what he just did effects him at all. I risk a glance at Cade- not my opponent- to see that he's staring off into space, probably thinking about the fight that just ended and the one that's to come.

After what seems like an eternity, Four comes back into the training room. "Cade, Bryse," He motions to the arena. "Have at it."

I barley hesitate before walking out into the white circle. I settle with standing a foot from the edge, one foot almost touching it. Turning, I see that Cade has not moved an inch. _Of course, _I think, _he's going to be a coward._

"Go." Commands Four.  
"I-" Cade stammers.  
"Get your ass in the arena." I growl under my breath.

Cade, looking defeated, drags in feet into towards the circle. He takes his own sweet time getting there. I start getting impatient, and begin to tap my foot. Finally, Cade reaches a spot opposite of mine. He places his feet in a similar position that my feet are in.

"Let's get this going, then." Four says, making a hand motion.

I raise my fists in a fighting position. Cade does the same, but slower. I start the circling position that comes with the fights by turning and walking to towards him. He reluctantly follows my lead. When we have turned in a full circle, I move to make the circle twice as small. Cade moves closer to me, making the space between us around six feet.

_Now's my chance! _I spring forward and raise my fist. There is a small second when our eyes meet; mine fiery, his wide. Then, my fist connects with his jaw. My fingers make a popping noise and a sharp pain shoots up my arm. Cade falls to the ground, filling the room with the thud of his body connecting with the floor. He lies there, staring up at the ceiling. Suddenly, his eyes close and he groans.

"Get up," Four says in an annoyed voice.  
"I can't." Cade answers.

Though I was already angry, this sets me off. I storm over to Cade and kick him in the ribs. He makes a hurting noise, but continues to lay with closed eyes.

"Get up!" I yell at him, anger ripping through me.

I aim another kick at his ribs, but I feel a hand on my shoulder. Looking back behind me, I see Damien. His almost-black eyes meet mine, making me shrink back a little. He seems like he could throw me down any second. I step away from Cade and follow Damien back to the sidelines.

"This has never happened before," Says Four in a calm voice. "I'm not sure whether to command Cade to leave Dauntless immediately, or respect him for not wanting to hit a girl. Or maybe I should make Damien leave for stopping Bryse." He taps his chin with a finger for a few seconds, thinking. "You are all dismissed." Damien quickly walks out of the training room. Jacey follows along, just as fast.

I start to walk out of the room too, but I stop halfway and take in the look of Cade lying on the ground one last time. He hasn't moved, but then again, Four probably wants to talk with him.

_I also need to have a little talk with him._


	12. Close Encounter

**(A/N: What's up everyone? I haven't updated this since who knows when, but one of my friends decided to make an account on here and they've read this. Needless to say she is my beta now, and is "going to shoot me" is I don't update this like I normally did. XD But I am going to try to update this more!  
A big thanks to NiallerLover400, my new beta! :3  
…Bryde (XD) shippers will like this one…  
Bryse: imgres?num=10&hl=en&safe=off&tbo=d&authuser=0&biw=1366&bih=638&tbm=isch&tbnid=u1jYGMkW10R8EM:&imgrefurl= hub/Makeup-for-Black-Hair-and-Green-Eyes&docid=1yqLi8SKDXSUXM&imgurl= u/6914218_ &w=520&h=347&ei=i7yBUJGGCebn0gHrmoGwAQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=258&sig=102795142865128190277&page=1&tbnh=130&tbnw=195&start=0&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:20,i:197&tx=77&ty=52  
Until Next Time,  
Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse  
**Close Encounter:

I walked out of the training center, hearing the voice of Four fill the air as he screams at Cade. It's weird really; Four was just really calm. As for myself, I'd like to be screaming at Cade too. And until I get the chance, I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Wandering along the hallways, I lose myself to my thoughts. The only thing I can think of is my anger towards Cade for not fighting, Damien for stopping me, and for some reason, Four. There is really nothing to me to be mad at him for. Without realizing it, I jab my nails into the palm of my hand. Immediately, the anger subsides and is replaced with pain. If anything, the pain clears my mind, making me calm and a little light-headed.

Suddenly, I see Damien standing before me. He looks my way with one shoulder against the wall, smirking. "What are you doing in this hallway, Princess, are you lost?"  
"No." I respond flatly.  
"Looking for your boyfriend, then?"  
"He's the last thing I'm looking for,"  
The corner of his mouth turns up visibly. "Well then, we'll just have to fix that, now don't we?" Damien laughed lowly.  
"I'm not in the mood for this, Damien." I turn around and start retreating from the hallway. A question pops into my head, though, and I turn around to ask it. As soon as my body has turned, Damien is a foot from my body. I try not to let him know that I'm surprised but when I speak, my voice is a little shaky. "Why are you never in the room?" I whisper, knowing he'll realize that I mean the bedroom.  
"I have other things to do besides sleep." With this, he turns around and walks down the hallway and disappears into one of the doors.

Stunned, I walk out of the hallway and continue on my walk.

Eventually, I make it to the cafeteria. The noise of tens of people talking is comforting, and the thought of food isn't too bad either. In the buffet line, I grab some of my new favorite foods; an orange, a cinnamon roll, and a glass of milk that somehow tastes better than the milk from Abnegation.

I find a table near the back of the room in the middle of a cluster of people, hoping that everyone will leave me alone. It's a little too late to be eating breakfast so everything is cold, except the milk, which is warm. Hopefully, it will help me sleep later if there's nothing to do.

Looking at my usual table that I sit with Jacey, Luke, and Cade at, I see that no one has taken our place. I'm thinking about walking over there to be in a familiar spot until I see Four and a couple of his friends walking to sit there. There are five of them, including Four, so one with short bluish-black hair pulls up a chair from a neighboring table. They are all smiling: even Four, who I've only seen angry or strangely calm. One of them must have made a joke, because they are all now laughing, some wiping away small tears.

This makes a memory cloud my mind, making me loose awareness of our usual table's new occupants. The scene from the train station comes to mind, where I laughed for real for the first time without being reminded of the place where I came from. But, this memory brings up the thought of Cade, and like I told Damien, I don't even want to think about that boy right now. All I want to do is eat my 'breakfast' in peace and to clear my head of all unwanted thoughts.

I should have known, though, that I would not be able to stop thinking about that topic once I'd started. Pictures of Cade swim through my head, filling my head with a felling that I can't quite identify. Soon, scenes replace the harmless pictures. Cade and I at the train station, in the hallway, me standing over Cade in the training room, my fist connecting with his jaw, making him fall to the ground. I start feeling good about the memories, but slowly I feel a knot in my stomach. The felling is new: I don't remember anything like it happening to me before. It feels like I'm going to throw up, but the knot is more intense.

Losing my appetite, I walk out of the cafeteria and leaving my plate still on the table; I walk out of the room and continue wandering around.

Feeling bored, I walk towards the bedrooms. As expected there is no one there, since all of the lights are off. As soon as I flip the lights on, I see the beds make, the bedside clocks all ticking in harmony, and all of our shoes at the foot of the bed. Despite what has happened, I still think I belong here.

I walk over to my bed and open the drawer that is placed underneath the bed, grabbing a change of clothes. Almost all of the clothes here are dark colors, and thankfully, I don't like bright colors. Heading for the showers and my usual 'stall' I remember the pain that I welcomed, that cleared my head. I want that again, but not just for a few seconds. I want it forever.

Stripping myself of my clothes, I step into the stream of water that's just started to get warm. My hair is instantly wet and heavy. Looking to where the soap and shampoo dispensers are, I see a small compartment built into the wall that I hadn't seen before. The space is halfway covered, where I can see into it from above. Inside it, there is a razor and a small bottle of cream, probably used for shaving. I pick up the razor and stare at it for a while, not sure of what I'm about to do. Using my fingernails, I pull out one of the blades and look down at my wrist. My pale ivory skin looks perfect, too perfect. In one flick of my other wrist, the perfect skin is ruined with a bloody cut. Right on time, I feel on top of the world, my anger is released and I'm happy for a few seconds. The great feeling of pain wears off sooner than it should have. Wanting that sweet relief again, I bring the blade down on my wrist again and again.

_Don't do this, sister. _

The familiar voice makes my throat tighten and I start cutting with a vengeance. Soon, the small trails of blood turn into flowing rivers. It's hard to tell if there's any of my skin left.

_Bryse, stop._

I wake up lying in the bottom of the shower. Cold water pounds down my back. I'm not sure what time it is, but my fingers have turned wrinkled. My head rings with blood loss, and looking down at my wrists, they are still red and oozing blood. The cloud-riding feeling has gone and has been replaced with an intense burning. The world around me looks a little fuzzy while my head feels heavy on my shoulders. Standing, I grab my towel and try to dry my hair a little, and then wrap it around my body. The bathroom is very humid from the hot water that was running earlier. My feet have fallen asleep, so my walking is unsteady. I have to hold on the counter of the sink as I brush my hair and move on to my teeth. This is what the drunken factionless must feel like.

The oozing bold had died down now; it is only very red and sore. I pull on my clothes and I'm thankful that you can't see my injuries through my long-sleeved shirt. My head is still throbbing with pressure when I eventually walk out of the bathroom and into the hallway. Looking down to the area with the dome of light- the center of the Dauntless building- I see that it's almost sundown. With nothing else to do, and not wanting to be alone, I decide to walk to the hospital wing of the building.

The walk is long and tiring, which helps with the wanting of the relieving pain. Without realizing it, I almost walk head-first into the push-open doors of the wing. At the last second, I fling one hand out to push the door open. As I walk in, a pink-haired friendly secretary looks my way.

"Hello, and welcome to the hospital wing. Are you looking for someone or do you need some assistance?" She asks with a bright smile.  
"I'm looking for…" I pause, not really knowing who I'm looking for. "Luke. He was sent in here today, actually."  
"He must be quite popular; he has one other young lady with him now," The secretary lets out a giggle. "He's in room 290."  
"Thank you," I say quietly and keep walking down the hallway.

At room 200, I could hear Jacey's high-pitched squealing. The rest of the way, her squealing getting louder and louder. Finally the room comes into view, and I push open the door. Immediately, I see that the room is split into three sections by a thin blue curtain with a patient in each. Luke sits in the first, trying to calm Jacey down, who is sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his hand tightly.

"Jacey, listen. We've been over this. I'm okay, alright? They just want to keep me here because they want to make sure the concussion isn't too bad."  
"I know! I just want you out of here!" Jacey argued.

I walked over to the foot of his bed, not looking at the other patients on the way. I didn't want to see the other people just yet. They would probably be mad at anyone who was associated with Jacey. Much to my belief, I heard a man yell through the curtain, "You girl, shut up!" The man didn't sound too mad, just annoyed.

This is when Jacey and Luke looked up and saw me for the first time. Their eyes lit up when they saw me, like each one of them wanted someone else to tell the other that they themselves were right. But they should know that I wasn't going to take a part in this argument; even though Luke was right.

"Well, hey, Bryse!" Luke sounded happy to have someone who wasn't going to whine near him.  
"Hello," I glance at Jacey and give her a half-smile. "Do you want to go grab some dinner or go shopping? I really need some distractions,"  
Jacey looked down at her feet for a moment then turned her attention to me. "That would be great, but I want to stay with Luke. You're welcome to stay here, though! The nurse is supposed to be bringing Luke some food and I'm sure we can order some for ourselves." She offered.  
If anything, it wasn't like I would run into Cade here. "Sure,"

We finished our small feast of hospital food. It's not as good as the food in the cafeteria by a long shot. Jacey ordered us some pizza, while Luke was forced to eat bland baked chicken, applesauce, and ice water. This is the doctor's orders for him, so he couldn't eat the pizza. He had a playful scowl on his face that immediately disappeared when Jacey gave him her crusts. She had told him that is he died, he couldn't blame her.

When the food was eaten, my ears were filled with the noises of chit-chat. I don't know what they're talking about, but whatever it was, Jacey got excited. Suddenly, she was facing my way with her hands wrapped around my wrists.

A sharp cry of pain came though my lips as the pain overrode everything in my body. Jacey recoiled and backed up.

"What's wrong?!"  
I winced. "Nothing," The word came out a little too fast and defensive.  
"Bryse…" Luke piped up. "What's going on with your shirt?"

Looking down, the light blue of my shirt was becoming reddish-purple. I cried out and Luke sat up. He grabbed my upper arm and pushed my sleeves up before I could stop him. The raw skin on my wrists was exposed. Jacey let out a squeal.

"What have you done?" Luke asked, looking down at my arms.

I look away from the sight. I'm not ashamed, but I think that I should be in front of other people.

Jacey got up from the bed and ran out of the door and down the hall. Seconds later, a nurse was walking into the room. "Come with me, please." She held out a hand.

I figured that if I cooperated, then I would get out of here faster. She led me down a few doors and told me to lie down on the last bed. While walking, I turn my head to look at the other patients on my left. Someone I don't know… and someone I do.

Cade was sitting up in the bed. His eyes widened as I walked by, following my every move. I lay down on the bed, hoping that he doesn't come over to me. My fears are confirmed as I see the curtain slide open, revealing Cade in his training clothes. His baggy sweatpants and tight shirt cause a strange stir in my stomach. I must have eaten something weird, but a little voice said that that wasn't it.

"Bryse, I need to talk to you. I have some things that I need to say," He looks into my eyes, holding me there, begging me to give him permission.  
I stand and walk to stand up against the wall, hoping that he doesn't come any closer. I stare daggers into him. "You have five minutes," I tell him.  
"Bryse, I know what you're going through. It happened to me a few years ago, when I was younger. I look and am older than you. By two years, actually. Because I was just like you. All I wanted back then was someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay, but I never got it for a long time. I finally did, though. Someone came to me and helped me, comforted me, and told me that I was going to be okay. I want to be that for you, Bryse. I want to be there for you, because I know no one else is going to succeed unless they push. I want you to know that I am here, so please let me in."  
My eyes widened, my heart threatening to burst out of my chest. I just want him to tell my why he is so persistent. "Why are you trying so hard?" I whisper hoarsely.  
"Because you need me. And believe it or not, I need you too." He started to walk forward to me.

I stand my ground for the first few steps he takes towards me.

He looks a little unbalanced as he gets closer.

He trips forward, landing flush against me, arms against the wall above me. His chest, his stomach, his legs are fully against mine. His lips touch my lips.

All I can think about is the pleasure and his heartbeat. This lasts for about one second before he jerks away.

My eyes widen and my lips are still parted. He looks at me and I can see his eyes are just as wide.

"Bryse, I… it was an accident… I swear… I didn't mean to."  
I stand perfectly still for a moment and say something without thinking about it. "It felt… _good_,"  
"I didn't mean-" He was talking fast.

"Didn't mean what, Cade? Oh, never you mind that. Go on and get into bed and take these pills." A nurse walked into the room, handed Cade a small cup of pills, and shooed him to his bed. The nurse then handed me a paper cup filled with three small blue pills. "And you take these, Miss Bryse." She ushered me onto my bed and replaced the curtain. "You too sleep well!" She said as she walked off.

I took the pills and waited for sleep to come. My lips still tingled with the memory, enhanced by the sound of Cade's even breathing a few feet away. _What have I done? _I thought as I drifted off into a deep sleep.


	13. Upside Down

**(A/N: I'm so sorry everyone. You all deserve much better than this sporadic updating pattern- not even a pattern. I don't want to make excuses, but really, I've had a LOT of work for school, and thankfully, I got a 4 day weekend because of snow and MLK Day or something. I don't know when I'll have time again. Don't be mad?  
I love you all, and I hope you all still love me? :)  
Also, I'm looking for a picture to put for the thumbnail. If you have any drawings or a Google Image or something that you think would look good, send an email with an attachment to: ev3ningstar7  
Until Next Time,  
Ev3ningStar)**

**Bryse **  
Upside Down**:**

I dreamt of Cade, falling down and down into a hole. I don't know where I was, but I felt close to him. Maybe beside of him. His hair was away from his face because of the wind, his eyes closed. Sleeping? This went on until he hit something. His limbs flailed upwards; the impact was harsh. Delicately, his brown eyes opened, fluttering. At first, I didn't understand what was going on. Then I realized I was looking at him from an angle; I was beside of him. I lay on my side, arms curled to my chest. Eventually, he turned his head to look at me. We locked eyes, not moving. His breathing matched mine. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to move. I moved closer to him, our faces only a few inches apart. He leaned in closer, and I lifted up my head-

"Wake up, Bryse!" The overly cheerful, motherly nurse gingerly shook my shoulder.  
"Uh…"  
"Come on, you have a big day today!"  
"What?" This woke me up. I was planning on sleeping for a few more hours.  
"You have two meetings; have to be in the training room at four!" She said.  
"Meetings? And I usually have to be in the training room at nine."  
"Yes. One with a doctor, one with Four and Eric. Four also postponed your fight, as the doctor tells me." She handed me a cup with three pills in it. "Take these, honey."  
I looked at it skeptically. "What are these?"  
"The red one is something for headaches, the other two white ones are for pain." She looked down at my wrist, picking one of my arms up to inspect it.

The skin was raw, dark pink. Five inches of the inside of my arm looked as if a monster had ripped it's claws through the skin. The skin around the cuts was bright white. With every move the nurse made while holding my arm, it felt like the skin was being torn off.

I needed the pain killers, yes.

"The skin looks better, honey. You should be careful this afternoon, nevertheless. Here's some water for the pills." She pointed to the little table beside my bed.

I picked up the water, and threw the pills in my mouth. I swallowed and looked up at the nurse for further instruction. She looked down at me with a smile, and patted my head: I felt like a puppy. For a second, I felt the anger come back, invading my mind. It went away as quick as it came.

"Stay here; I'll go get you some clean clothes. What size do you wear?"  
"A small in shirts; a three in pants; eight in shoes."

"I'll be right back." On her way out, she opened the curtain that separates Cade and me.

He was still sleeping, his face turned in my direction. His mouth lolled open, a small line of spit connecting to the pillow.

"Cade," I called to him in a loud whisper.

He slept on. The only sign that he was even alive was his finger twitching.

"Cade," I said, louder.

Finally, he opened his eyes, rubbing the sleep out of the corners.

"Hey," He said, voice groggy.  
"Morning." I replied. "I have to get out of here," I whispered.  
"And how are you planning on doing that?"  
"Doing what, Cade?" The nurse said as she walked in.  
"Nothing."

The nurse had a dark red sweatshirt, gray tee, tight black pants, and light gray shoes in her hands for me. She handed the clothes to me, and took me by my upper arm. I stood, and followed her to the small bathroom in the corner of my side of the room. Closing the door when we were both in the bathroom, the nurse took the clothes from me and laid them on the edge of the sink.

"I'm fine; you can leave now."  
"You might hurt your arms. Are you sure?" She looked concerned.  
"Positive."

The nurse left the bathroom, leaving me to myself. I looked around the small area. Everything was chrome, the walls black. It was a good contrast, but looked like the bathrooms across from the trainee's bedroom.

Changing clothes was hard. The skin pulled and felt like spikes were driving through the tender skin. I didn't regret cutting, though. It helped me get over the fight, if only for a while.

Now, I finally had time to think about what I was doing. Kissing Cade had finally sunk in; I could now feel other things besides lust. I felt like I was going to explode if I saw him. He was the reason I had cut, him and my sister. And he did that: kissed me. I felt like I was going to punch the wall, or him.

The nurse knocked on the door. "Are you finished, sweetie?"  
"Yes," I replied, pulling my shirt into place.  
She opened the door, and I followed her out. "I'm going to take you to see Dr. Miller, now. He'll be expecting you soon."

I glanced back at Cade. He threw me a half smile, and I returned the gesture. For now, I'm going to act like I did last night until I decide how I feel.

The nurse led me into the hallway, and down the corridor. Soon we came to a door with a plaque reading "Dr. Miller: Psychiatrist: Room 403". I'd never been to a psychiatrist before, so I didn't know what to expect. The nurse opened the door for me, and I saw a man in white lab coat with rounded glasses. He had to be at least forty; he had a bald spot on top of his head. He was looking down at a file: probably mine. The room surrounding us was black, with a chrome table in the center. Bookcases lined three of the walls; the one with the door was blank.

"Ah, sit down Ms. Bryse." His voice was rough, like sandpaper.

So I walked over to the chair in front of him and sat. He looked up at me over his glassed and sat the file down.

"I've read a lot about you, Bryse."  
"Like what?" I asked, curious.  
"I've read your school file. It seems as if you've done a lot of mischievous things in your lifetime."  
"I suppose," I said.  
The nurse turned and said right before closing the door, "I'll be back to take you to your second meeting in two hours."  
Dr. Miller replied to her with a smile. "Alright, Mrs. Nance,"

Dr. Miller seized me up, looking at my hair, eyes, nose, and settled on my wrists.

"May I see your wrists, Bryse?"  
"No," I said, defensively.  
"As you wish. What would you like to talk about first?" He flipped the pages to in the folder to land on the first. I stayed silent, my anger building.  
"How about your sister: Ava?"  
"She was an idiot." I said without emotion.  
"And why is that?"  
"Ava WAS in idiot because she didn't try, and she left me. She was a liar, and I do not want to talk about why."  
"Okay, Ms. Bryse. How about why you're here today?" He looked me up and down, again resting his gaze at my wrists.  
I slid my hands under the table. "I cut myself, obviously."  
"Would you like to explain why?"  
I hesitated. "I was angry."  
"Are you often angry?"  
I took a deep breath. "Yes,"  
"At yourself? Or someone else?" Dr. Miller asked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.  
"Myself, my parents, Ava, Cade, Jacey, Luke, Four, Damien." I listed of the people I had known and had met recently.  
"Would you like to elaborate?" Dr. Miller said curiously.  
"No," I said with finality.  
"Well then, you should come with me. I'm going to give you some medicine to take for the next couple of weeks. It will help with your anger and emotional problems."

Dr. Miller stood and motioned for me to follow. I rose from the chair, and walked through the door that the doctor held open for me. He led me to the next door over from his office. This room was clean and white, and had a sharp smell to it. In one corner, there was a large scale, and the rest of the room was filled with cabinets and shelves filled with bottles of pills.

"Go over to that scale, Bryse, so I can see what dose you need."

I obeyed, and stood on the scale. Mr. Miller walked over and adjusted the bars above the scale.

"One-hundred and fifteen," He said to himself.

This was shocking; I'd gained some weight since I'd gotten to Dauntless.

"Step over here to this measuring tape,"

I stepped off of the scale and over to the measuring tape on the wall.

"Seems you are five-feet-four."

My height was the same, as I'd expected.

Dr. Miller went over to the cabinets and took out a box containing pill bottles. He took out one of them, and handed it to me.

"Take one of these before bed every day until they run out."  
"Can I go now?"  
"I guess, since you won't cooperate. Just be back in my office in an hour and thirty minutes." Dr. Miller said, leading me to the door leading to the corridor.

I stepped out into the hallway, and decided to head back to the room where Cade was. When I stepped in, Cade was fully clothed and sitting cross-legged in his bed. He was picking at a fingernail, looking bored. When he heard to door open, he looked up and smiled.

"You're back early," He smirked.  
"Yes, teaches a lesson about not cooperating. Be a bitch and get what you want." I said, my mouth forming into a matching smirk.  
"The nurse said I could leave soon: they packed me in with pain killers." Cade glanced at the door.  
"I'm guessing you want to go somewhere?"  
"You're a mind reader," Cade laughed and stood.

Cade and I made our way to the cafeteria. He said that he was hungry, so we were going to find some lunch. The walk there was very awkward. I was still debating whether I was going to seek revenge against him for touching me, or return the favor by kissing him again. Cade had already made it clear that he wanted to be with me; at least emotionally. I didn't know if I wanted someone to be there for me, or if I wanted to go alone. At least now, I would ignore any advancement.

Silence was our company on the way to the cafeteria. He opened the door for me, and I walked ahead to the line. It was about ten, but I wanted some kind of lunch since the meetings would probably take up the time. Cade followed close behind, the sound of his breathing was a clear sound to me. I picked up my slice of pizza and grabbed a bottle of juice to go with it. I put the food on a tray and turned to find a table to sit at. Cade settled in front of me and started eating his two biscuits.

"So, about yesterday…" He said, taking a swig of his water. We were through eating now, just sitting there.

I stayed silent, not wanting to talk about it when there was a great possibility that I would get upset and walk away. Thankfully, there were the conversations of other people around to distract me.

"Bryse," Cade said.  
"What." I snapped.  
"What's going on with you? Yesterday you were fine, but now you're being…"  
"Being what? And you've said this once before. Why do you keep trying? Why can't you leave me alone?" I was getting angry, and I could feel something weird in the back of my throat.  
"I want to be there for you, Bryse." Cade all but whispered.  
"There's no reason for you to be. I'm fine by myself." The weird feeling was taking the form of a lump.  
"You know that being alone is not the answer…"  
"It is." I said harshly. The lump was rising, and my breathing spiked.

I jumped up from the table, not worrying about my food. I let my feet guide me in any direction, and before I knew what was going on, I was in the giant bedroom with five beds. Footsteps followed mine, and I knew it was Cade. He just had to come to, didn't he? I wanted to turn around and punch him, slap him, kick him, anything. But I just kept going until I felt a hand on my shoulder, pulling me harshly towards the wall; backing me into it. Cade was in front of me, holding me to the wall with both hands on my shoulders. I refused to meet his eyes: my head was turned to face my bed. Only one lamp was on in the room. An inch away from me was my short bedside table. I was sure his eyes were boring into my skull.

"Let me go." I almost screamed. My face was wet.  
"Make me." Cade countered.

I gave up, going limp. I slid down the wall, and Cade stood over me. He looked down at me, no emotion showing on his face.

I let the tears come, then. Wetness slipped down my face, my breathing was very heavy. I wasn't in control of my emotions anymore. They all hit me at once.

_Let it out, Sister. _

With these words, I knew that I couldn't suddenly quit having a breakdown until I was finished.

Cade sat down beside of me, close enough that our legs were touching. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. I ended up with my face in his neck. My tears stained his shirt. He didn't seem to mind, only pulled me closer to him. Cade slipped his hand under my knees and pulled my legs over him. I was fully sitting on his lap now. This realization made the tears come thicker.

"Kill me." I whispered to him between sobs.  
"Just let me in." He whispered down to me. His hand moved to the back of my head, stroking my hair.


End file.
